i'm 20!

April 11, 2002

well, i was going to post this on the day of my actual birthday (april 7th), but i didn't really have time to do it. :) that's what happens when you are in the york/sheridan bachelor of design program! there's never really that much time for yourself. time is one of the most precious things that we have. that's one of the greatest lessons i've learned this year.

anyhow, some thoughts i had on my birthday. in the Christian community, shouldn't there be some great fellowship happening within your local church? ever since september, i've basically been the only university student (1st year) at my church. it's been a lonely time for me, especially since my closest friends went away to waterloo for school. there's no fellowship at my church for people my age, and i don't find that i can relate with anyone there. so why am i still there? well, i think God's placed me there to do SOMETHING. i don't what that is, but i know He wants me there (at least He did in the summer). so anyways, i got to thinking on sunday. it was my birthday. i went to church and there weren't a lot of people saying happy b-day to me. only those that have grown up with me (which are only a few), or those that overheard it was my bday, and said it to be polite. it was kinda depressing. i didn't even get any gifs what-so-ever (not that i expected any, but STILL! one can always hope right? :) no one asked me out to go for lunch or anything.

last friday, my three good buddies took me out for this amazing dinner. one of my friends from watreloo came all the way back up to TO, just to take me out to dinner with the rest of them. now that's pretty cool stuff :) i totally appreciated that. and they went crazy and splurged on our dinner. it was crazy expensive, but also amazingly good :)

but back to my story. i went home early to start doing work (yes doing homework on a birthday, what do you expect) and a friend called me up to go for lunch (he was from another church). so i'm wondering, what's going on! my friends from OTHER churches were asking to take me out and what have you, but not at my own church. a little strange here. i even got a few phone calls from people (from OTHER churches). so i began to wonder. isn't the local church a place of fellowship? or at least that's what it's supposed to be. maybe it's the lack of 1st year university students at my church (everyone went away). so that's been on my mind lately. how do people cope with that?

i tried going to fellowship at york.. but nothing really panned out... i tried CCC, but never felt welcomed there. i dunno if i should just stick it out...

i really need to talk to tim about this sometime.. i'm confused :)

so i'm 20 years old. that's a really long time if you think about it. two decades on earth. and i begin to think what i've done in this life that accounts for anything of worth. have i 'brought' anyone to Christ? i don't believe so. that's one of the saddest things for me. not to say that i could lead anyone to Christ, only God does that, but to be a part of the experience. that would be a really cool thing :) i wonder if my life has made a positive impact to the lives around me, if i've made a difference in the kingdom of God. i wonder, and i still wonder. another year brings more life experiences and a chance to do my best for God and follow where He's leading me to go. i hope that He continues to show me more of Himself and show me parts of myself that need work/change. i know i have a lot of issues that i need to deal with, but God's MORE than enough to fix those : ) in His time & in His way...

Posted by Leo Chan at April 11, 2002 12:48 AM