more of You, less of me.

August 29, 2002

2 more days until sufficiency.

oh man. part of me is really excited. why? because God really has been leading our group throughout these past few months. He's provided for us churches to practice at, all the equipment we need, people, EVERYTHING. what once began as a vision, is almost soon to be reality. it's just like how john and ben we're feeling about 24/7. so it's been really cool to see all that God has done, and the night hasn't even begun yet.

and while i anticipate great things to happen on saturday, i'm still also quite nervous/scared/anxious. and i know i shouldn't be, but i really can't help it. i'm especially scared now that i have to actually SAY something. i don't think it'll be feasible to get anything from tim/sam now, so i have to write something about john 4 and what it's all about. i really don't have a clue what to do, i'm at a loss. and tonight we decide that i was going to lead the confession/reflection time AND the stone response. oh my goodness. i'm only 20 here. like i have no credentials at all, and i am possibly and probably the worst person to do this. i don't know what i'm doing! i don't feel like the person to do it. but what do i know. perhaps God wants me to do this, wants to stretch me, wants me to step out on the water. possibly. i'm really scared, i don't know what to do. but i will trust that God is bigger than all my fears, all my inadequacies and that He'll take care of it. so tomorrow i'll take some time to write out my thoughts, hopefully God's thoughts on these different topics. and i know, full well that if God is leading me to do this, i have nothing to worry about. nothing at all :)

i've been sort of thinking about the future of this group. will we still be together a year down the road? or what? what will happen? i really hope that we can enter this kind of ministry together. i think we have the potential to do something great for God (sounds cliche, but yeah, that's really how i feel). one thing's for certain, this is where my heart lies. i love being involved with the musical worship at church. it's such a big deal for me. and i think even planning "sufficiency" has been a big thing for me. it's opened my eyes to a lot of things, in particular the entire planning process of such a night. i never knew how much time and effort you need to spend in planning. and i guess it comes easier with time and experience, because this is the first time i've ever done it. and just talking with tim, venting with him, letting out my frustrations about everything was really helpful for me because he told me he shared the same kind of feelings every time he plans these things. para-church ministry. is that where i'll head in the future? *shrugs*

all i know is this: i need to pray more for sufficiency - we ALL do. if God isn't a part of this night, it's all for nothing. we can't do anything worthwhile without Him. and the night would just be a waste of He wasn't there. i need to stop relying on myself and my fears and give them up completely to Him. i think i'm still holding onto them. worrying about things is just so easy. trusting in God with those things is the tricky part! we haven't had a musical practice in over a week. friday will be our first time playing together with each other in 9 days- i hope everything runs smoothly. and that jer comes back early on friday!

i think i'm actually going to head off to bed early tonight. lots of things to plan tomorrow! :) g'nite!

Posted by Leo Chan at August 29, 2002 1:18 AM