"you're the YourChristianHome.com guy!!"
December 25, 2002
i had a decent chat with tim on the 20th... telling him about what's been happening in my life over the past little while.. my struggles with CCC and finding a church for myself...
he told me something that i have never considered before... something that never crossed my mind.. i've realized that i hate being "leo chan" for the reason that i own YourChristianHome.com... everywhere i go, if i introduce myself.. as leo... sometimes, people will follow up with a question... "leo chan?" and i will say yes.. and THEN it happens... "you're the YourChristianHome.com guy!!!" and then other comments follow... what do you say to that? i don't think it's such a big deal.. it's just a website.. it's not a big issue!! it really isn't..... i hate it when people do that.. it makes me feel VERY uncomfortable.... and i don't know what to say.. just a thanks... is all i know.... it's JUST a website!!!!
but tim was saying that because i'm regarded as that sometimes, that people may figure that i have it all together.. that i don't need to be talked to.. that i'm fine on my own.. not needing anything or anyone.. like how people regards pastors.. not to say i'm in the same regards as a pastor.. but people regard pastors as the "untouchable".. as those that have it all together... but they don't..... and neither do i... in fact, i'm probably the one that has it least together.. the one that really needs the most help...
the CCC people know i'm the YourChristianHome.com guy.. well some of them do anyway.. so maybe that's why there's a lack of talking to me? maybe.. that's one potential explanation but i don't find that completely justifies it...*sigh* it feels like i'm condemened to a life of feeling left out... outside... i really miss koinonia.. those good ol high school days when things just worked.. and i had a chuch family... now it's just me... alone... i know Jesus is with me, but it's hard to make it without fellowship.. it really is... i don't have a family, a home anymore.. no more stability.. no more roots anywhere...
tim told me to just stop going to CCC... after all, it just gets me upset everytime i go.... a part of me just wants to give up... but following God was and never will be easy... the strife and pain and toil that some of God's followers had to endure were much longer and much more painful that what i'm experiencing... so maybe it's something God wants me to learn from it? or maybe i just shouldn't be there anymore.... if the conference with the CCC people doesn't do anything with my relationships with them.. i'm going to quit going... i'd much rather spend that time volunteering in the CITY than going to a fellowship that just gets me upset all the time...
Posted by Leo Chan at December 25, 2002 11:58 AM
