a return to the asian culture?

December 27, 2002

i've began to wonder if the reaction i've been receiving in terms of my church and fellowship attendance has in some way turned me back to the asian community. after urbana, i had a strong urge to leave the asian circle and venture out into the "real" church - the multi-cultural church because it represented God's universal church. and so in my first year of university, i did just that - i tried CCC because of it's multi-cultural nature. and this year, when i was able to do my own church hunting, i went to a multi-cultural church.

needless to say, it's been an interesting experience to see other cultures, but i've begun to feel like God's calling me back to my culture. my roots. though i don't have a strong sense of asian identity, God's created me to be an asian person. i just feel like i don't really "fit in" with any other people groups - maybe it's just me, but it seems like i get along with asian people that much more easily. would i ever find a home in a non-asian church? possible, but at this time i think it's time for me to return back to them. and ths could apply to my fellowship attendance. i don't know if CCF is the answer, but maybe my small group in the design program could work out really well. i need to be praying about that a whole lot more :)

i still don't have a lot of expectations being at this conference. in fact, i'm waiting for it to end. that's not the best attitude i could hold, and i'm trying to change it, but it's hard. real hard. i've met a few people so far, but they aren't from CCC. i wonder why i'm here. what God has in store for me this week. i've also taken notice that the CCC people are trying to talk to me more. i think. maybe they've noticed that i feel left out all the time, or maybe they are just aware that they've never really talked to me. i've only noticed this in a few people, but i guess i'll find out in the days to come.

i read the book of ruth this morning for my devotion. the overall theme in my opinion? small picture world, big picture God. things in life don't always make sense. they shouldn't we aren't God. but He knows what's best and that's all that matters :) so even with my church and fellowship experiences and my struggles with it - i know that God has something greater with it in store, something with more meaning than i can see. and maybe, just maybe, it's to call me back to my heritage, my culture, my background - being asian. :)

Posted by Leo Chan at December 27, 2002 9:40 PM