eureka!

January 19, 2003

for the first time in several months, i had the opportunity to lead worship. brett asked me last week if i wanted to lead worship for crusades, and i happily agreed. i haven't had the opportunity to serve like this in ages. the last time i lead worship was back at markham (in september), so it's been a long time!

i was actually getting a little bit stressed out with the set, wondering if i still knew how to plan a set, or even lead for that matter. i created a set and was planning to go ahead with it, but the more i thought about it, the more i didn't think it was going to work too well. in fact, i changed the set on thursday afternoon, about two hours before crusades actually started. it was a really last minute deal, but i felt like God was nudging me to change it. so i did!

planning a worship is a little bit different to me now than before. i guess i've begun to approach a bit more from a creative standpoint. what could i do to make the set unique? are there any special transitions, medleys that could be done to help cultivate the best worshipful atmosphere? that kinda mentality. i showed up at york at about 4:30 awaiting my team members (only two of them) - a guitarist and a keyboardist.

i think i've taken for granted my worship team members back at markham. we all had a good understanding of one another, and as a worship leader, people knew the way i lead, so they'd know when to come in, cut, etc. and so i had all these ideas planned out for the meeting, but i didn't expect that it might not be possible since i had never played w/ these other two people before. so when we started practicising, it just caught me off guard. not to say they aren't musical, it's just they aren't used to my leading style. how could they be? :)

when the worship time began, it was a little awkward. i felt like people were just staring at me but i shrugged it off and kept going. as time progressed i started noticing people really engaging with God. :) i miss that. i miss the opportunity to lead people into worship. it really makes me happy :) i mean when you see people just going after the heart of God, that's just awesome!! it wasn't like i was staring at people or anything like that, but you need to be aware of what's happening in the people, so you always have to look around. but yeah, it was really encouraging. and a few people said a word of thanks afterwards, so that was pretty cool. i've almost forgotten what it's like to be on a worship team or leading for that matter, since it's been so long.

i also figured something out while i was at crusades on thursday. my friend jen came to crusades finally (one of the girls from crusades brought her) and afterwards she was telling me how people were really friendly to her and stuff. so she was like, i don't get what you were talking about.

and THEN it hit me! like 99% of the times, when someone goes to a fellowship or a church or anything, they're normally BROUGHT by someone. and so that someone always makes sure their friend that they brought is being introduced to people, is feeling welcomed, etc. and if they're not, that person will stick with them! so there's still some consistency or at least feeling okay about going to a place.

but then there are people like me. who just wander into fellowships/churches by myself. and i'm not very vocal about my being somewhere. why? cuz i'm shy. i don't like to introduce myself as a newcomer so that everyone will know that i'm there and look at me or whatever. it's just not my style. i like to make a quiet entrance :) so anyway, i'm thinking. since i don't have a person introducing me to others, and i don't really like to make myself known at new places i go to, people just don't notice that i exist. it's just the way it is. when you have a somewhat large fellowship, people aren't going to notice the quiet ones (unless they're like super heroic w/ newcomers)! SO, what does this mean? i figure that's why at crusades, no one really talks to me. because i'm too quiet to be noticed and there's no one trying to introduce me or anything. and i figure that's why i've been having so much trouble with finding a church. because i'm too quiet for anyone to notice and i don't really make an effort. yeah, i'm like that. well maybe i try sometimes, but it's something i still need to work on (with God's help of course).

i also noticed this whole thing when i went to salt fellowship yesterday (rhcbc's uni fellowship). one of the girls BROUGHT her friend. no one brought me. i just showed up. so like she was introducing her friend to people. and then there's me. i just sorta sat there :) so i was like that's it! that's totally it. it's the whole friend bringing you business that helps people really feel connected and welcomed. but mind you, there still are people who just can come alone and feel welcomed. that is, if they're like outgoing and actually TALK to people (unlike us introverted people).

i'll talk about my whole rhcbc experiences in a next entry. so by the way, i've started to go to RHCBC :)

Posted by Leo Chan at January 19, 2003 12:01 AM