thoughts on rebel worship

July 4, 2002

jon was quite right.

i guess i didn't think it was that severe, but it's pretty bad. if the majority of the team have problems with God, we really shouldn't be doing this. i'm not saying to throw in the towel, but when the time comes around, and we're not totally fixing our eyes on God and we're not good with Him, that would cause big problems. the atmosphere tonight was NOT a good one. like i dunno, i'm not saying that God wasn't there, but it really didn't seem like it. we were just kinda in this 'daze' and it didn't really seem like anyone wanted to be there.
i dunno, i was pretty discouraged tonight. i hate being in this 'leadership' role. i don't know what i'm doing anymore. *sigh* what to do. i'm do think that God is guiding us for this night. but yeah. if we're all like bad with God, that's not cool at all. i think i need to start praying for them. and not to be judgemental, but even justin, like his prayer. wasn't like a justin prayer. not the way i know him to pray. it was like, he was just 'forcing' it out or something. *shrugs*

aside from that, jer said a weird thing today. if we commit suicide, we don't go to hell? erf....... he said like it was a catholic belief or something like that. isn't that strange? i for sure gotta ask tim about that one :)

it's a short entry tonight. haven' t been thinking about too much lately, except for the fact that i really need to 'shape up'. change the way people perceive me. like all this alcohol stuff, it must stop. and me cutting people up. that will stop. no more. big problems.

that's about it. i'm still sick.

g'nite

Posted by Leo Chan at July 4, 2002 1:27 AM