mixed thoughts

June 18, 2002

seems like it's been a while since i last wrote something.

it has been. not too much has been happening recently but i think i've thought through some things and come to a few realizations.

one of the major reasons why i'm thinking of leaving markham is because of the lack of friendships i have there. i don't really feel like i have ownership there and at the same time, i do. but i struggle so much there just because i'm like the only first year student. sure most of the 1st years are back now, but it's a completely different eposide when they're all away. and at least this year, my old friends were still around (even if i didn't talk with the much, they were still there). next year, everyone's gone. EVERYONE.

so, that kind of leaves me in a rock in a hard place. do i stay at markham, or do i leave? this isn't the only reason of course why i want to take a break. there's no substance on sundays. *sigh* i dunno. i figure i should be learning stuff, i mean it IS God's Word. maybe i'm just not looking for it/expecting it. maybe that's my problem

i've also realized that i desire some good fellowship with other believers. i have men's group, but that's different. maybe i'll check out UT CCF? jon's been loving it there. i'd have to move around my drawing classes but that's not a big deal. could always move it to like tuesday or sometihng. *shrugs* but yeah, i wanna meet some new people.

this is all so random. i've been trying to worship God with my driving. seems weird, but yeah. i'm learned that i'm a pretty impatient driver. i hate waiting. i hate lines. i hate rush hour. i hate driving. i just want to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time possible and get back home asap. so instead of being a nice and passive driver, i'm an aggressive driver. don't get me wrong, it's not like i speed like a maniac or pull stupid moves. but if i see an empty lane at a traffic light, i'll be sure to get my car there. if i see a shorter car line at a traffic light, i'll move there. if i'm being a slow car, i'll pass them. and so i started thinking about it. just because of my selfishness, i could be blocking other cars or stopping them to get places. how? it's simple. if i saw an empty right lane, i'd move my car there. that would stop people from turning right until i move my car (which would be at the green). see how that works? i can't say that it's an easy task to do, because it isn't. i find myself always rushing here and there. but i want to stop fixing my eyes on myself and onto others and of course, God.

i'm tired. so this is all for tonight :P g'nite!

Posted by Leo Chan at June 18, 2002 1:08 AM