be strong & courageous

September 21, 2003

friday night was the kick-off to the "be strong & courageous" conference held by the tribe of issachar (aka. tim's pastor group, who represent churches across the GTA). basically, the entire evening was more or less, a worship service, led by john 4:24, with a sermon by dr. wildeboer (professor @ tyndale university).

we've had several practises over the past week for that evening. and what i was thinking about, heading into the evening was that i really wanted to FEEL God again. i mean, really FEEL Him, not just things in my mind. so i was praying for that.

at one point of the service, tim did a monologue, which consisted of him typing words across a blank screen. and the most uncanny thing happened. the words that tim were writing, were things that i have felt/am feeling over the past little while. it was like me saying the words to him, and him typing it. EVERYTHING he wrote on that screen resonated with my heart.

i've often wondered (well, more like just recently) why God has allowed so much to happen to me in my short 21 years of existence. i often tell people i feel old, sometimes half jokingly, but a lot of times, the reason why i feel 'old' is because i feel like i've gone through a lot of life experiences, a lot more than what a normal 21 year old *should* go through. i've been in a severe car accident, i've undergone surgery (not major), my mother was diagonsed with cancer and now, my brother's death. people with a lot more years on their belt normally deal with these kind of things. but not me. in my short time here, i've experienced more of 'life' than some people will ever experience. and it's overwhelming. why has God chosen me, of all people? why doesn't He choose someone else? why doesn't He allow others to go through these things, instead of me?

the only answer i can provide is because He loves me. because He knows what's best for me, no matter how difficult or how hard. i know that He's molding me. i know He's shaping me into the man He wants me to become. trials develops perseverance, shapes character, refines all that you believe and all that you are. james put it this way "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (james 1:2-4 [NIV]). and though i do know all of these things in my heart of hearts, it doesn't make it any easier emotionally.

at the end of tim's monologue, a passage from joshua 1 was read, a passage common to most of us who have grown up in the church. but it was different this time around. God used it to encourage me, especially the following verses:

"as I was with moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. "be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. me strong and very courageous. me careful to obey all the law my servant moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. then you will be prosperous and successful. have I not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."" (joshua 1:5-9 [NIV])

the words "be strong & courageous, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" kept dancing in my head after the Scripture was read (and still does). i really had a great time friday night. it was a wonderful privilege to be able to be part of a worship service like that again. i really miss that. worship will always be the ministry that i am the most passionate about. i just know it. i am thankful that God answered my prayers that evening, because i really felt like i connected with Him once again, at a time where i so desparately need to feel Him.

"you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (jeremiah 29:13 [NIV])

amen.

Posted by Leo Chan at September 21, 2003 1:30 PM