still breathing!
October 9, 2002
let this be a lesson: never pack 17 hours of class within 3 days. especialy if you're in the bachelor of design program! never again.
this was the first week (in what i foresee to be first of many) where virtually everything was due. as you can imagine, it was quite stressful. i had three projects and one major test in two days. and these aren't exactly 'tests', they're basically mid-terms. i've been basically working even more hardcore than normal to get all my assignments completed. i don't even know how successful they are. yesterday i was so drop dead tired after working all day after class at sheridan, and then staying up late to study. i was trying to cram studying in b/w my type class and my psychology class today. that was pretty rough! but through it all, God's been with me all the way. He's given me the strength and the sanity to press on this week, and now all the craziness is a little bit subdued (for now!).
i think i'll be doing 'decent' this year. probably won't be getting the grades i got last year. just because it's a lot harder and what have you, but i know God'll pull me through it.
so what else is going on with me? i think God's really been showing me lately how selfish i am, and just how much reorganizing He's got to do in my life. particularly, one of the areas is my DRIVING! i've been analyzing the way i drive sometimes, and i've noticed that i can be a real jerk. and it's not like i'm cutting people off or anything, but i think it's still not very cool. for example, if we're at a 3 way stop, and i want to turn right. if i can piggy-back the car in front of me to turn right, before the car from the left can go across, i'll do it (only at york, cuz the distance is really wide). but that's tight when i think about it! why the rush? i always want to get home so i can get to work. so it's like it doesn't matter what i do, as long as i get to my destination in the shortest amount of time possible. so what does this all mean? i thought about the verse that talks about if you cause someone to stumble, and it dawned on me that that could applied to driving. if you were to do something silly like that whole piggy-back thing, that might affect someone - they might think "oh what a jerk" or get upset, or anything like that. and you could ruin their day by doing something like that. so i've been TRYING to calm down when i'm driving - not just trying to get to my destination in the shortest amount of time possible, but it's hard. i have to literally force myself to not do things that i would normally do. one of the things i've forced myself to do since the summer is to make sure i'm not occupying an empty right lane just so i can be at the front of the traffc line, unless i'm turning right. because you could just be making someone else wait.
so that's the driving aspect. but yeah, God's really been impressing on my heart how self-centred i can be - just the ME focus. me, me, me. and even how i can be selfish in certain situations where i don't even realize i'm being selfish! i think the whole driving thing is where i'll have to start!
i was watching 7:22 today. man, i look forward to it so much during the week. i actually count the days that are until 7:22 (that's kind of sad now that i think about it, but whatever! i think it's good in a way. i mean aren't you supposed to look forward to going to church?). i hope that same kind of expectancy will eventually translate to MY church! whenever i find that church!
anyhow, billy phenix was talking about what worship is not. his main point was that worship is not a task, it's a DESIRE. but the point that hit me the most was that worship is not about you. so what's so special about that? it's the way he said it, because he was talking about how worship is just between you and God and how that works within a church context. so it translated to me like this: i need to find a church where i can worship God freely like that. where nothing holds me back - it's just me and God kind of deal. and so that means i need to find a setting where i can do that. maybe "the river"? *Shrugs* we'll see on sunday. but basically i think God was just impressing on my heart that i need to find a church with that kind of setting. i never felt "free" at markham.
that'll be it from me tonight. i've got a ton of work to do this weekend! so i'm going to do some hardcore work for the next few days! tomorrow is CCC, i'm pretty excited for it :)
Posted by Leo Chan at October 9, 2002 10:13 PM
