a brief update!

October 25, 2002

it's been a really long time since i've written anything. i've been so busy with school work lately, that i haven't had time to write. so what's been going on with me?

last sunday, we went to 4C (cornerstone christian community church). it's been a long time since i've last been there and it was cool to see andrew lau preach again. i've forgotten how much i enjoy listening to him speak :) but yeah, eric really enjoyed it there, so that's where will be going from now on! maybe there are some uni students around in there, that'd be really cool. i don't know how the whole fellowship thing works there, but hopefully we'll be able to get connected/get plugged in with the church!

lately i've been thinking a lot about me being in the design program. man, i still deal with so much inadequacy and self-esteem issues just being in there. because i know i don't have "what it takes" to be a good designer. i don't understand things that others seem to grasp so easily. and not that it bothers me, but i know i suck. is there anything wrong with that? i know i suck, and i know it's only by God that i can do anything that merits somewhat 'good' design. but that fact keeps pounding on me, all day long. and i struggle so much with it. maybe it's satan trying to put all these negative thoughts in my mind and trying to get them to overwhelm me. it's so hard. i think i struggle with it everyday.

that design group that i'm trying to start hasn't met yet. but we're gonna meet this monday. so i have to prepare some stuff for it i think. just in terms of what we're going to do, etc. i need to pray about it more. i really hope God'll use this for His glory. that'd be so cool to see people come to know Him. oh man! i'd like die or something if that happened. and it really could! i believe that :)

i've also been really really stressed lately too. it's even affected my sleeping habits. i haven't been sleeping too well for the past few days, and i thought maybe it was because i've been sleeping in my room again and cuz i was used to sleeping in eric's room. but i realized it wasn't that. it's just because of all the stress on me. it's really crazy, my teachers are throwing an insane amount of work at us. i think i'm going to be really screwed for the next little wihle. i really need God to help me through this because there is absolutely no way i can do it myself!

about the whole evangelism thing: i really think God's trying to pull me that direction. ryan, my Bible study leader (and a worker for campus crusade) told us that he'd need some help following-up on some people from last week when they handed out Christian materials to students. so i'm going to help out with that. i don't know what i'm diong, but i'm going to go with him and see what happens! oh man. i can't believe i'm thinking of doing this. it's so not me!! but i mean, God's calling me to it - who am i to deny HIM??

i went out to crusades tonight. man it was awesome. the message wasn't too particularly applicable for me (it was about money and God) but the guy talked about some interesting stuff - a thing called pascal's wager. where basically he classified people into 1/4 groups: people who don't believe God where God does not exist or does exist and people who believe God where God does not exist or does exist. it was interesting because he was saying the most beneficial choice would be to believe in God, because if God did exist, there's like this unlimited potential for 'return' (he was looking at it from a business standpoint). so that was neat! :) i'm still not meshing too well with everyone cuz i don't know them, but that'll take time. i hung around tonight cuz i normally drive raine, sari home, so i offered them again to drive em. and sari wanted to talk to her friend, so i hung around, and just talked with a few people. it was really cool :) really, really cool! i'd just like to know em in a more deeper way, but that'll take time no doubt! but yeah, we had dinner and stuff like that together in the student centre, so it was cool just eating with em. sari's such an awesome person! she was like telling her friend about the 4 spiritual laws and stuff like that over dinner.

these crusade people are so inspiring to me - i mean, they're just like so gung-ho about evangelism and spreading the Word of God to people. it's just awesome. like that's what they're all about - evangelism - bringing the name of Jesus to everyone! that's just awesome. i mean that's what life is all about!!! i have so very much to learn from them!! :) i'm also going to go out for the "men's breakfast" on saturday with the guys from crusades, just to get to know them and stuff :)

that's basically a quick sum up of what's been going on with me. i'm going to have to work like nuts for the next few days. it's gonna be interesting! g'nite! :)

Posted by Leo Chan at October 25, 2002 12:50 AM