ccf anyone?
September 25, 2002
i've sorta been seeing things differently this past week. i think God maybe doing some re-working in my life, just trying to get me off me. and more on His people on campus. i've been wondering what people are thinking about when they walk around campus, or even as they sit in class. what motivates them? what causes them to do the things they do?
i don't know what this will lead to, but i find myself "watching people" more - which totally reminds me of that "watching people" thing we did at UT CCF back in the summer. and i think it's a good thing to do. i mean, we are WAY too concerned about ourselves, our own well being and we seldom think of others. maybe i shouldn't generalize. i don't think of others all too often. it's all about me, me, me. isn't that just horrible? i'm trying to change and only by God's grace can that happen! :)
so yeah, i had my psychology class today. wasn't sure what to expect, but i went early to secure myself a better seat. i honestly hate sitting in the back. i feel as if the people that really don't want to be there end of sitting in those spots. so they're loud, and cause ruckus. so i plunked myself down in a seat and was just sorta thinking. okay. what now. so this guy sits right beside me. so i don't say anything cuz i'm silly and stupid and i don't know how to talk to people. but he eventually starts talking to me. and sure it really didn't get anywhere. we talked about absolutely squat. but i guess i was happy. first time ever i actually found out someone's name in the class. of course i don't remember what it is now, but that's besides the point. i have no idea why it's so hard for me to start conversations w/ people. it's just not me. but maybe God's trying to break me out of my shell!? *shrugs* i guess i'll see what happens during the next while in psych. hopefully i'll get to know some of the froshes, perhaps help them out?
i went to CCF tonight. i actually forced myself to stay at york for an extra hour (yeah, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is for me). i actually have a ton of work when i think about it, so i need to get started on that soon. to be honest, it wasn't anything special. i didn't really feel 'welcomed' or what have you. i saw people that i've met somewhere along the way in the life of a chinese Christian and so the faces are familiar. as to whether i know them personally, that's a different story. they did a program on humility and it really wasn't anything new. no new perspectives, no gripping ideas. maybe i'm too critical. and i just sat there, wondering if this is where i'm supposed to be for the next 3 years for fellowship or if it's supposed to be CCC. i honestly don't know. but i guess i didn't have a 'settling' peace being there tonight. like i could totally see the friendships that have formed over the past year(s) and it's really cool. but i don't feel like i fit in? of course i'll feel the same way at CCC so i'm still stuck. i figure i'll go to both fellowships like twice or three times and decide from there. i'll be checking out CCC tomorrow!
i should mention, that there was a neat part of the program tonight at CCF. we actually washed each other's feet and stuff, modelling it after Jesus. and i just thought about the whole act of doing it and wondered what Jesus thought while He did that. like feet washing isn't the most desirable thing a person could do. but i bet you anything that when Jesus did it, He didn't complain or gripe about it, or try to do a rush job. i bet He totally enjoyed it and took a whole lot of time doing it because He cared so much for them. i close my eyes, and i just picture Jesus just smiling and having like the best time of His life doing it. and when i think about that, that just blows me away. here's the KING of the universe humbling Himself and enjoying doing the most lowly task on the face of the planet, washing people's feet. and for you folks, i'm just thinking this is what happened, i have no basis for it. but that's my thinking for tonight. that's Jesus for you. the one who shocked everyone's values, way of thinking, everything. that's just awesome. and the great thing is that He's MY Jesus! MY Savior. MY all. MY everything :)
Posted by Leo Chan at September 25, 2002 11:23 PM
