breathe on me now

January 19, 2005

monday morning, i awoke feeling extremely down and discouraged from the previous day's events. as i was swimming, i began pouring my heart out to God about everything i was feeling: about how low i was, about how i needed a touch from Him, about how i wanted Him to breathe His breath of life back into me, about how i wanted the joy of facing all these struggles. the night before, i was thinking and praying about 2 cor 12:9, about how God's strength is made perfect in weakness. i wanted to know how that worked, being in my circumstance and all.

the answer came to me when i hit the steam room and as i left the club to head home. back in november/december, while sitting in the steam room, i was reflecting on things, about my situation. and as i thought about it, God spoke to me. i don't know if you've ever been in a steam room before, but if you are sitting in there when the steam starts pouring out, it gets intense, really intense. in a brief matter of moments, the entire room is blanketed in so much steam, you can't see a thing. and it's hot. so hot, that it becomes difficult to breathe. you can try breathing through your nostrils, but it burns so much that you'll breathe through your mouth, which also burns. it becomes a preference of where you want the discomfort to be. in any case, if you decide that it is too much for you and you want to leave, you'd be hard-pressed to do so, since you cannot see a thing, and you wouldn't want to risk bumping into anything or even worse anyone (i sure don't want to walk into a naked guy sitting there *shudder*). simply put, you are stuck in there until the steam subsides. that's what's interesting about the steam room; the steam will subside eventually and you will once again be able to see.

there's a lot of truth that one can extract from this phenomena. what God was saying that morning to me, was that though it was so hard to deal with everything i had been going through, that it would eventually subside like the steam. at times it was extremely hard to breathe. i found myself gasping for air almost on a continual basis, struggling, fighting to stay alive, to stay faithful to my God, to not abandon the One who i simply could not abandon after all i had been through and after all He had been through for me. i wondered how long i'd have to be in my situation. BUT, i wasn't going to be in my situation forever; things were going to turn around, there WOULD be a brighter day. all i had to do was press on and remain faithful through it. the steam WOULD subside. this analogy has stuck with me ever since that day. some days i'm more aware of this than others (when i sit in there).

on monday, it hit me again and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. with a renewed vision and perspective, things were once again looking up. the mercy of God began pouring down on me as i left the club. as i walked out through the club doors to my car, a brilliant and radiant early morning sun was there to greet me. in the foreground, stood several trees on a snowy landscape. the contrast between the two were huge. in the background, there was the magnificent, colourful sun, full of life and energy and in the foreground, colourless, lifeless trees. what was more interesting, was the fact that the trees were in the pathway of the sunlight, creating an almost halo effect around the branches. words really fail me here. that imagery resonated with me. i was the tree, and God was the sun. i had been standing lifeless, until God rose and breathed life back into me. it was beautiful. i was feeling more alive than i have been in a long time.

when i started driving home, the song "breathe on me now" by kathryn scott began playing. the words were perfect. it really expressed my heart, so i made it my prayer as i drove home.

when my soul has cried it's tears
and my heart begins to faint
will You draw near?
will You meet with me?
when my days are filled with longing
and my spirit groans and waits
will You draw near?
will You meet with me?

i'm calling and waiting
Your presence Lord is life to me

breathe on me now as i bow down
i'm desperate Lord for more of You
come satisfy until i
am even more in need of You

when my dreams have been forgotten
and my hope begins to fade
will You draw near?
will You meet with me?
when my days are filled with searching
and my strength has given way
will You draw near?
will You meet with me?

the timing was perfect, just like everything else that morning. God has perfect timing. precisely at the right time, in the right way, when i was feeling the lowest, when my heart was in so much despair, when i was just about to throw in the towel, He showed up. His strength was made perfect in my weakness as His mercy and love came poured down into all my brokenness.

thank you si, camilla for your prayers and your continued support and encouragement. you have no idea how much it means to me.

"i love the LORD, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. because He turned His ear to me, i will call on Him as long as I live" psalm 116:1-2 [NIV]

amen.

Posted by Leo Chan at January 19, 2005 6:31 PM