He knows best

February 9, 2005

"God knows best."

we hear the statement all the time. it's mostly used in times of disappointment, pain or hardship. it's one of those cliche things to say, almost an autonomous reflex that spurts out of our mouth when we want to encourage someone in their tough time but don't know how to respond. the irony of cliche statements, is that they are often so very true.

yesterday morning, i was reflecting over life (as i always do), specifically my relationship with God over the past 1.5 years or so. i realized something. though i've reached the lowest points in my life during this time frame, i've also drawn closer and nearer to God than i have in ages. i've come to know Him in deeper depths, understanding His heart more and more. i wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. i cherish the moments i have every morning in the pool to fellowship with my Lord. a lot of people think i'm crazy going to sleep between 9:45 and 10:30 on most nights, and then waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 to go swimming. i don't do that so much for the swimming aspect of it (though i have to in order to reduce the overall pain levels in my body), but for my personal time with Yahweh every morning. i love spending each morning listening to His heart and expressing mine to Him. they are precious and dear to me.

and then, it struck me. one of those "aha" moments if you will. i wouldn't have ever had these sacred moments had i not been afflicted with fibromyalgia. the reason? i would have been too busy with my school and church obligations to have time to exercise. i made excuses in prior years when it came to exercising or investing more time in friends and family. no time i said. i'm far too busy. maybe in the summer. back then, i wasn't living a balanced life no matter how much i thought i was. and even now, i don't think i'm completely balanced, but it's a lot better than before.

it all started when i thought i had developed rsi. i realized that i could no longer function at the capacity i used to, so i took a lot more time for myself, taking care of my body (something i should have been doing way before then). i quit the two jobs i had, and even summer school. it was also before cti. back then, i thought it'd be a good idea to get my body in better shape for the summer (i knew the heat would impale me, so i figured it'd be best to be as healthy as possible before i left). in those days, since i had so much time, i spent a lot of time hanging out with God—during my early morning jogs or at night, after dinner, when i went for a walk in the park watching the beautiful sunsets. there were a lot of wonderful moments in those days. i remember God telling me one night that i would never had experienced those moments had i not had rsi (at least that's what i thought it was at the time). it was so true. i would have been too busy with life to do any of that.

God has certainly taken me on an adventure over the past 1.5 years. i realized the other day that my relationship with God now is like that when i first believed. remember that passion you had when you first accepted Christ? i was so jacked up. i joined online newsgroups, reading over 50 messages a day about worship (music aspects), i hungrily devoured the new testament, i read multiple devotional materials daily (campus journal in particular). well that passion is back, more refined, more realistic, but it's back. revelations 2:5 [NIV] says "remember the height from which you have fallen! repent and do the things you did at first."

so in a way, i'm thankful that i've had fm, because it's allowed me to to draw closer to my God. that's always been the desire of my heart. to know God deeply and intimately, to yearn for Him. now, i think i'm starting to a lot more. also, God showed me that i needed to live a more balanced life. that is, to take care of my health. because without your health, you have nothing. as well, to spend time investing more in my family. my relationship with my mom and dad have flourished in the past 1.5 years. God indeed knows what's best for us. He knows what's best for me. we just need to firmly place our hope and trust in Him and understand that yes, He does know what He's doing despite what we see (in terms of hardship). but remember, our view is limited. we see a very small glimpse of what God sees. He is God after all, the One who created everything. He certainly knows what He's doing. one final word. let's not forge the involvement of the devil in our lives. but like for joseph, God can use what the devil intends for evil for His own glory.

"but rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed" 1 peter 4:13

Posted by Leo Chan at February 9, 2005 11:54 PM