no seinfeld

March 6, 2005

at my fellowship's winter retreat, during our "deep deep sharing" time, i was awakened to the amount of brokenness that existed in our group. i realized that everyone in our fellowship carried baggage. i had no idea. what struck me even more, was that there didn't need to be earth shattering moments for people to be broken. as a person who's had their world rocked upside down, time and time again, i think i've had an underlying assumption that the majority of brokenness came out of earth shattering moments, like illness or death. but as i've been learning over the past while, there are ghosts from our pasts that haunt us. wounds that have penetrated so deeply that we, ourselves, are unconscious to its existence. and even if there's been hurt along the way, we impression manage. we put on our best face and head out the door. appearances are deceiving.

i didn't get it at first. why was everyone broken? how was that even possible? couldn't there be people who were simply fine? living life without having emotional baggage? the answer that came to me was no. it wasn't possible. and the reason was simple. so why is there brokenness in this world? because sin exists. original sin brought forth the dawn of destruction. havoc would reign in the perfect world God had created and anything in the path would be destroyed. hearts would be broken. relationships severed. people killed and murdered. sin would terrorize everything.

after all the dust settled from the destructive path of sin, what remained was hurt, pain, suffering and brokenness. the effects of sin had taken its toll on humanity, on us. everyone is broken. i think everyone has been dealt blows (in one way or another) in their lives that has affected them to the core, yet most of us are unaware of them. we go on with life, doing the things we do without wondering as to the cause of them. do you find yourself doing certain things over and over again? maybe there's deeper underlying issues that beg to be let go. but even if we are aware of these issues, most of us are too afraid to go there, to face what lurks beneath. and if we have such big hang-ups ourselves, you can bet that the thought of letting people in sends us running for the hills.

ironically, what we need to do is to let our guard down and let people in. it's way too easy for us to pretend like everything's okay and smile. the more i study psychology, the more i see how much harder it is for us to be open to each other, because of all the defense mechanisms we engage in to protect ourselves, so that we put forth the best possible self to others. the problem is, when we engage in these strategies, we end up with superficial relationships. our time with each other is spent on talking about nothing. and while sometimes nothing is a good thing to do, it cannot end there.

as Christians, we're supposed to know better. we're supposed to live lives that are radically different from the world, the ones that love and accept each other unconditionally, the ones that don't cast judgments on others. but do we really do this? i think if we're honest, we'd admit that we're just as scared as the next guy to admit our failures, weaknesses and brokenness to one another. and as Christians, we're that much more apprehensive because of all the expectations placed on our shoulders that we're supposed to be living a righteous and godly life. and so, it's so easy for us to pretend like everything's okay in our conversations with one another.

at our retreat, i made up a rule called "no seinfeld." seinfeld is a show about absolutely nothing. they even had an episode about making a show about nothing (which meant they were talking about making seinfeld, on seinfeld)! and i think this mentality has trickled into our relationships with one another. it was certainly quite evident in my fellowship. we've become comfortable in talking about nothing, because it's easier and safer. this is not the way we were meant to have relationships with one another.

can we make a pact together? let's be intentional in the way we interact with our fellow brothers and sisters. let's agree to be open and honest about our lives: the struggles, the weaknesses, the joys, everything. if we're sad, let's be sad together. if we're joyful, let's be joyful together. let's commit to being transparent with one another and throw off our desire to socially manage ourselves in front of others. let's talk about things that really matter, and not the things of this world (i.e. tv shows, sports, etc.). let's use our mouths to edify and spur one another on, to encourage and build, to support, care and love.

one of the most comforting realizations for people at our retreat was this: as they shared what they were struggling with, they learnt there were others just like them. friends, we're in this together. this is the way it was meant to be, the way God intended for it to be.

"is any one of you in trouble? he should pray. is anyone happy? let him sing songs of praise. is any one of you sick? he should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. if he has sinned, he will be forgiven. therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" - james 5:13-16 [NIV]

Posted by Leo Chan at March 6, 2005 10:46 PM