internal bruising
March 14, 2005
the body has a unique way of displaying physical hurt. last tuesday, as i entered the house, i managed to bash my knee against a chair in the laundry room. immediate pain was the result of my clumsiness, along with a discoloured bruise. our body reacts to physical pain by leaving visible scarring or bruising. we are constantly aware of them until the body finally heals it. my knee still hurts from that incident, and it's almost been an entire week.
we all have internal bruises, on our minds and hearts. some from the result of our own actions, and others inflicted on us by others. these bruises are much more insidious than physical ones. instead of being visible, they lay under the surface, undetectable by the eye. they shape how we think, what we believe and what we do. they shape our perception of the world. most of us live life unaware of them.
there are root causes to all problems we face in life. i believe most of them result from these internal bruises. so where do these bruises come from?
1. what we watch
movies and tv are the key players here. americans, on average spend 1.7 hours a day watching tv. this means that every day, we are subjected to the values and beliefs of the media for at least 1.7 hours. now i don't know about you, but when was the last time you watched a tv program that had good values and beliefs? most of the programs that we watch today contain violence, sex, alcoholism, drugs, materialism, to name a few. and remember, in between these programs there are commercials that communicate the same messages. while not all programs/commercials contain these messages explicitly, they do so implicitly. movies are no different, in terms of their effect on us and the amount that we watch. americans bought 1.574 billion movie tickets in 2003. most of us have become desensitized to the messages portrayed by these two media. desensitization means we become less sensitive, or more appallingly insensitive to them. and when we are insensitive, it runs dangerously towards the fact that we simply do not care anymore.
i used to watch scary movies. at some point, i realized how damaging they were. scary movies mess with your head. the key message is fear. it strikes fear to the heart of those who watch. i remember the first time i watched scream, i had to stop part way because i couldn't deal with it. and as i was walking towards the car that night, i was so paranoid. i kept looking over my shoulders as i walked briskly towards the car. when i went to mexico in 2003, one of the staff from YWAM shared about how his sister watched a lot of scary movies and that how she eventually become possessed by evil spirits. he said that when we watch these types of movies, we give the devil a foothold into our lives. how true. i wonder what other things we watch to give the devil a foothold into our lives? it may not be scary movies, but it can be the message of materialism, infidelity, violence, and so on and so on.
2. what we hear
what we listen to has a profound influence on how we think. i'll keep this limited to music. i used to debate heavily between listening to secular and Christian music. at one point i decided to rid myself completely of secular music. i felt like the lyrics i was listening to was simply not beneficial. but being a musician (or at least a wannabe one), Christian music, for whatever reason, never seems to be as 'good' as secular music in terms of musicianship. most of the best musicians in the world are not Christians. the best way to improve is to listen to a wide variety of music genres and artists. i was conflicted. i'm not saying that all secular music is bad either. because there are a lot of songs with very positive messages, and i'm thankful that some artists understand their responsibilities to promote positive values/beliefs to their audiences. but remember, a LOT of the music out there communicates the same messages that tv and movies do.
Christian music, in particular worship music is so dear to my heart. i listen to music all the time, in the car, when i'm on the computer, when i'm going places, in the shower, you name it. through everything i've been through, there are a lot of times when i think about where i'm at, and to be honest, a lot of the times i feel pretty low. but when i surround myself with the thoughts and lyrics of other Christians (through their music), i find that God uses that to really speak to me, to lift me up, to encourage, renew and restore my spirits. through their songs, i'm able to relate with their struggles or even make prayers out of them. sometimes you simply can't articulate what you are feeling. at times, it's through the words of others that help you communicate what could not articulate. frankly, all this would not happen if i was listening to secular music. it's just not the same.
3. what we think about
thoughts have a way of internalizing into our values and beliefs, into our hearts. we need to be careful about what we think about. proverbs 4:23 says we need to guard our hearts. i think part of that means we need to guard our minds as well. in particular, the things we do, worry about, are anxious about and fear.
when we stumble and/or fail at something, some of us are a lot harder on ourselves than we should be. we give ourselves an internal beating. if we do this long enough or hard enough, we'll start to believe it. thoughts like: "why was i so stupid?" "i'm an idiot," "i can't do anything right" are very common and they do nothing but beat us down. i've had my share of them too.
worry, anxiety and fear also have damaging consequences. when we let our minds wander, a lot of irrational thoughts will undoubtedly surface. case in point, i've been in design for four years now. i've been clinging to the promise of philippians 1:6 ever since i started this program, which basically states that what God has started, He will carry on to completion. He's carried me through the past three years. and now, in my last year, i worry about not being able to graduate because of the portfolio assessment that is happening next week. i second guess myself, about my abilities, and skills. and even worse, i second guess God. for a while, my fears started to paralyze me. i keep thinking about the what ifs. worries, anxieties and fears keep us from trusting in and relying fully on the Lord. we look at things from our perspective, rely on our own strength, yes, we will see our limitations. but as Christians, we are to cast all our anxieties on Him (1 peter 5:7), we are not to be anxious about anything (philippians 4:6), we are able to do everything through Christ who gives us strength (philippians 4:13), we can walk in the truth that with God, all things are possible (matthew 19:26). we need to bank on the promises of God and move in those.
4. what we do
what we do affects how we think about something. cognitive dissonance theory states that we seek to achieve balance between our behaviour and our thoughts. if there is conflict (dissonance) between the two, we will adjust one to meet the other. typically we will adjust our thoughts to match our behaviour, rather than adjust our behaviour to match our thoughts because it's a lot easier. if what we do affects how we think, and how we think affects our hearts, how important is it for us to guard what we do? we need to guard what we watch, what we hear, the activities we engage in, who we listen to, who we befriend, who we love.
5. what others say to us
what people say to us affects what we believe about ourselves and our future actions. whether you admit or not, there have been times in your life where someone has said something to you that has hurt you to the core. you were deeply wounded, pierced through the heart. what was said has no doubt affected what you thought about yourself, and perhaps your action towards them and/or other people. i've been there. i've heard a lot of hurtful things from people, even the people that i loved the most. when it comes from the people that you love the most, it hurts that much more, and it's that much harder to forget them. i don't even think it's possible to forget hurtful words that people have said to us. they have a way of lingering in our hearts and minds, and if we let them (this goes back to guarding our minds), they can resurface at any time.
while humans have an innate drive to bond and be loved with others, we need to remember that at the end of the day, it does not matter whatsoever what people think about us. we do not need people to affirm who we are or love us. we do not need to listen to anyone but our Heavenly Father. we are loved by God (1 john 3:16). we are precious in His eyes. He knit us together in our mother's womb (ps 139:13). He knew us before the creation of the world. He knows how the number of hairs on our head (matt 10:30). He went to hell and back for us, for you and me. He is for us. He believes in us.
6. what others do to us
on the same note, what others have done to us also impacts us greatly. like what others say to us, it affects what we believe about ourselves and our future actions. it could be something that someone did or did not do for us. maybe it was a friend who wasn't there for you in your time of need. maybe a friend betrayed you. maybe there were times in your childhood that you were ostracized from a group. maybe your parents failed to love, encourage and support you as a child. again, we need to remember that our identity is found in Christ. we need to remember that He is ALWAYS there for us, walking with us every step of the way. He is our good shepherd, He will never abandon us (deut 31:6).
final words
i am not saying in any way that we should isolate ourselves from the world. i am not saying that we should completely avoid secular tv, movies and music. i am suggesting that we must be more aware of the things we do, say, listen to and think about because of their impact on us. if we desire to fully follow Christ, to become the person He created us to be, we need to consider these things.
like physical bruises, our internal bruises can be healed through a different process. internal bruises will not heal on their own. they will linger and stay as long as possible. the devil will use these hurts to affect us in every form, shape and fashion. fortunately, we have a great Healer who knows all things, sees all things, and can do all things. through Him, we can be restored and healed. psalm 147:3 [NIV] says "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." all we need to do is ask.
to finish, here are some Scriptures to consider:
"'everything is permissible'–but not everything is beneficial. 'everything is permissible'–but not everything is constructive" - 1 corinthians 10:23 [NIV]
"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things" - philippians 4:8 [NIV]
"set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" - colossians 3:2 [NIV]
"above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" - proverbs 4:23 [NIV]
Posted by Leo Chan at March 14, 2005 10:52 AM
