finally done?

April 15, 2005

in the blink of an eye, the grad show that we worked so hard to prepare for is gone. our last official act as ysdn students was taking down our panels yesterday. it seemed like a dream. it still does. so many of us have been so used to working so hard every day for the past four years, words do not describe how it feels to not have stress or obligations to meet deadlines. a lot of us don't know what to do with ourselves, now that we have time on our hands. my immediate tendency is to do something, anything that makes me feel productive. like i'm making use of my time. the same goes with mostly all my classmates.

after being design hermits for four years, we've all finally come out of hiding. the thing is, we're really comfortable in those places that we've been. coming out of hiding is new for us, and we don't know how to respond just yet. i sure don't. monday morning marked the first day (in years) that i've had absolutely no deadlines or obligations. it scared me. i didn't know what to do because for the first time in a long time, i didn't have anything to do. i was bored. i remember a while ago, my friend asked me what i like to do in my free time. i didn't really give her a straight answer back then because i didn't know how to answer it. i didn't have free time. free time was a luxury that designers don't have. and now that i have it, i'm lost at what to do.

sunday was the first day of our show. we put our panels up in the afternoon to get ready for our family reception that evening. as i stood there setting up my panel, i could not believe that the end had come so fast. it seemed like only yesterday i was entering into the program... it was surreal. after i was finished, i took a look at my panel. had the end already come? so soon? had four years passed by already? was this chapter of my life already closing?

i went into reflection mode for a moment, wondering if my presence had made a difference in the lives around me, if i could look back and see how God had used my life to better the lives of the people around me. i had lots of questions–all of which i attempt to answer or discuss after i finish my last exam. there's a lot of things to reflect about. needless to say, the whole day seemed like a dream as if it wasn't REALLY happening. but it has, it did. i didn't even realize at the time that i now have a degree (not physically, but everything is all done, minus last exam which doesn't matter much since it's not part of design). when i was scoping out my friend's business cards, i saw that they had put the B. Des. designation beside their names. and then i remembered i had one too. how weird.

there were some presentations that night, people gave a few speeches about this and that. our class has such a sense of camaraderie, we're family. we've been with each other through thick and thin, through all the ups and downs, all the struggles and challenges, all the joys and successes. we've seen each other emerge from young budding designers, to graduates, professionals, ready for the work world. we understand each other. we have in-jokes, design jokes that no one else gets. we're a weird and crazy bunch. i love that. i've had a lot of great times hanging and talking with people in my program, and it gets me sad thinking that i'm not going to see them anymore. really sad. they're all such beautiful people. and not having them in my life anymore, i don't know. i mean, yeah, i could stay in touch with them, but it's not going to happen with a lot of them. that's just the way life is. it was the same with my cti team from the summer. i've wanted to stay in contact with them, but due to time constraints on both sides, life events, it just wasn't possible. i only get to talk to them on the very rare occasion now.

God brings people into your life at certain times, and the way i see it, we have to cherish every precious moment, because we don't know how long they'll be in our lives for. death comes, sickness comes, circumstances comes that move/take them away from us. you can't hold on to that which cannot be held on to. we can't stay in the past forever. we must move on. the present and future is all we have and that is where we must look. if we dwell on the past for too long, we will become paralyzed. easier said than done.

tomorrow (saturday) is going to be the last time we'll all be together as a class. we're having an after party for the grads. i'm hoping and praying that we'll have good conversations about our next steps, our plans for the future. i've come to learn that a lot of people respect me as a designer. and i think a lot of my friends think i'm heading into design. why wouldn't i? i've been told by my assessors that i'd make a good design professional. one of my old profs yesterday was literally shocked that i wasn't heading into design. he told me that i was one of his top students and it was a shame that i wasn't going into it. i totally didn't expect that. i don't think i'm a great designer. i'm good at it. i don't come up with ideas or solutions that are earth-shattering or ground-breaking. there are people in my year that do things that just blow my mind. ideas that i wouldn't ever come up with if i had all the time in the world! my work is clean and it communicates what it needs to do. in any case, it'll be interesting to see how my friends react when i tell them that i'm going to seminary next year. perhaps it'll lead to other places of conversation? or maybe it'll "click" with them that the reason why i am what i am, is because i'm Christian.

for His glory.

Posted by Leo Chan at April 15, 2005 3:32 PM