a glimmer of hope

May 26, 2005

last tuesday (may 17) i went to see my fibromyalgia specialist. i see her once every few months. mostly it's to give her an update on what's going on with my body so she can track my "progress" but i also get her to do the my trigger point injections too. on the rare occasion, i'll ask her questions about what i should be doing to take care of myself. i've been wondering for a long time about the whole running bit. not having the ability to run what-so-ever got my really down, especially since the summer started. i know a lot of people want to get outside and do sports this time of year. and even though i'm not big on sports, when it's a nice day out, i quite enjoy going and playing some softball or tennis or whatever. but more than that, i miss out getting to hang out with friends because of my physical limitations. it's tough. being robbed of things you used to do isn't a good feeling.

i decided to ask her for more clarification about why running wasn't good for me. i found out that she wasn't really referring to running in a holistic sense (that i couldn't do any running what-so-ever). she was simply saying that i shouldn't go for a run or a jog, because it's a really repetitive motion that adds vertical stress on the spine. i proceeded to ask her if i could play tennis and softball. i had to be specific because i wanted to know what she thought about each sport. and to my great surprise, she said that i could do both sports! i just needed to be more careful when i played and to make sure that i didn't overdo it. i know that i can't afford to injure my spine so i realize that i need to take it easy. besides, i'm not very competitive so it's not a big deal. nonetheless, i was pretty shocked hearing that from her. which means, i'm back (perhaps not to the same degree as i used to be, but that's okay)! i actually played tennis for the first time in 1.5 years on monday. it was such a great feeling. i guess the next thing to do is get out there and play some softball. i don't think i'd get up and bat though because there's just too much risk for me overdoing it when i'm running.

my doctor even told me that i was getting better. something about my back not being as stiff or something with a muscle there that is looking better. i don't really remember. i've also noticed that the muscles in my hands haven't been as stiff. there's a muscle between your thumb and your pointer finger. initially the muscle got really stiff—if you pressed it, it was really hard (like a rock), and it also caused a lot of pain. when i got her to put the trigger point injection there, we both noticed that it had softened up a bit. i guess getting better with fibromyalgia means that the muscles aren't as stiff, but that doesn't mean the pain goes away, because it hasn't for me.

this was a much needed glimmer of hope. just when i was getting down about not getting better, wondering why i still had to face all the struggles that i was going through and wondering when i could play sports again, God rocked my paradigm. i love that. i love how He has perfect timing. i love how He knows everything about us and that He cares enough to come in and take control.

recently, i've received encouragement from people that i don't know or talk with often. all of them somehow stumbled across my journal and started to read the entries that i've posted over the past few years. they told me that the journey that i've gone through has been an encouragement & inspiration to them. that has meant a great deal to me. i remember back in october when i was wondering how God could use all the struggles for His glory, He showed me that my influence extended to my professors at school. this time, God showed me that my influence extends to more people than i realize.

i don't write this to brag or to think of myself more highly. i post it because God works in ways we don't even imagine. He is always working around us. whether we see it or not is a different story. God can use anything for His glory. i'm just an average guy. and for some reason, God has chosen to use my story for His purposes. He's chosen to use the struggles in my life to be a testimony, so that He would be magnified. for those of you who are going through times, look up. God is up to something. He knows what's best. He's in complete control. He knows what He's doing. and all we have to do is look up and believe Him.

"now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! amen" - ephesians 9:20-21 [NIV]

Posted by Leo Chan at May 26, 2005 11:58 PM