ill-equipped: perception vs. reality

September 20, 2005

it's only been a week since i've first started classes at tyndale and already thoughts are whirling around my head on a multitude of different things, one of which includes being equipped for ministry.

while my interactions with other students has been limited (how many people can you meet in a week realistically speaking?), i've met lots of seminary students, including first years, that are already engaged in ministry in an official setting. that is, they are on staff at a church in some capacity or another (this is how i will use the term official in this entry). i've met youth pastors, church planters, english pastors and worship pastors. most of these people are studying at tyndale part-time because of their heavy obligations at church. and all of these students are non-chinese. they are caucasian, african, and korean. i have never met any staff (other than admin. people & interns) in a chinese church that did not have a degree in ministry.

that got me thinking about ministry and how i viewed it. how is that these people could be pastors when they didn't have a degree yet? i thought most churches only hired people onboard after they had attended a seminary of some kind and graduated. i had never heard of that before in the suburban/urban church settings that i was aware of. to provide some context, i've been in the chinese church since 1990, so when i refer to churches/church settings, i'm referring to the chinese church.

for as long as i can remember, i've always felt ill-equipped for ministry. i've never felt adequate to serve in any area because i didn't have any formal training (but that never stopped me from stepping out and trying it). some may argue this is a good thing, for it causes you to really rely on God for His strength and provision in the ministry. i believe this whole heartedly. any ministry we engage in has to be approached with a heart of humility and fear, for we are serving the Lord. we cannot serve the Lord with a prideful and haughty heart. it cannot work. serving and humility go hand in hand. however, on the flip side of things, there is nothing wrong with being confident in moving to a ministry God has called us to, because those that He calls, He will also equip. and not only that, if God calls you into a ministry that He has given you gifts in, you certainly do not have to feel inadequate about it.

this issue has come up before as i've talked with friends. i believe it's because of our upbringing in a chinese baptist church. there is such a strong push for being equipped (i.e. formal training), that as emerging leaders no one feels adequate for the task at hand. i remember a friend of mine telling me that verbatim. we were talking about evangelism and she was saying how she never felt prepared enough to go evangelize to others. i think this mentality hold true in a much broader sense.

from what i understand of the chinese baptist tradition, there is a much stronger inward focus on church members than the outside community. the life of the church becomes primarily about training and preparing ourselves: sermons, sunday school classes, fellowships are all about equipping yourself. the problem is, this training/equipping process never seems to end. it goes year after year after year. you know what happens year after year? people who are exposed to this kind of mentality are lead to believe that they are never prepared enough to do the task. there's always something else to learn, some other training to go to before stepping into the ministry. while this is true, if we think like that, nothing will ever get done. i somehow thought i was immune to buying into this mentality, but i realized that i wasn't. it's affected the way i view myself and my capacity for ministry. i don't feel like i'm cut-out to do anything ministry related, even though i know God's given me gifts in those areas, and even though i've had success in those ministry areas. how ridiculous is that?

i can sum up my points in two equations. this is the thought i've grown up in:

formal training = prepared for ministry = person can be hired as staff
anything else = not prepared for ministry = person can only (at most) be a lay person (even this is subject).

it's only now that i realized i, and many others, have believed this.

quite recently, an incident in a church came up in a meeting where one of the older leaders was saying that the sunday school teachers were Biblically illiterate (harsh words, i know). what was the cause for such an accusation? they hadn't had any formal training in teaching, understanding the Bible, etc. and while that is true, that leader failed to realize there are a host of other ways of learning that does not involve formal training.

somewhere along the way, we lost the notion that life experiences, informal training (like attending workshops/conferences), mentorship/coaching/apprenticeship could be valuable tools in being prepared for ministry. we've downplayed their importance. and this is so wrong.

life experiences and mentoring can teach you things you could never learn in an institution. why? in most institutions, what you learn is theories. theories are generally idealistic and cannot be specifically applied to a given situation. it can provide you a good framework and background, but it does not give you the specifics on what to do. and the truth of the matter is, life is hardly idealistic. it's hardly representative of what you might read in a textbook. so how do you deal with that? how do you learn what it's truly like? you experience it and learn from that. that's where the value of life experiences and mentoring comes into play, because either you've experienced it yourself or someone else who has experienced it is sharing with you what they've learnt in the process.

so what's my point in all of this? i feel like i've been tricked into believing this lie of never being prepared enough or equipped enough. this has caused me to doubt myself and doubt God at times about what could be done through me for His Kingdom purposes. and i believe this has happened to many of us who have grown up in such a mentality.

God's given me quite a share of life experiences up to this point. i've faced unexpected death and sicknesses of all kind (personal and family). each of these experiences have shaped my understanding of myself and of God. they have transformed my idealistic thoughts (head knowledge. i think everything we learn is idealistic until we experience it for ourselves in some way. what you know in your head is useless unless it is tested. it is only in the test that you find out whether or not what you know in your head is true. and so until the test [experience] comes, it remains idealized) into ones that are grounded in reality (heart knowledge). they have given me a much deeper and richer understanding of life, myself, other people and of God. because of this, i feel much older than a 23 year old, both physically (because of my fibromyalgia) and mentally (of all the things i've learnt and experienced). of course, there are still a lot of areas of life that i'm still very young in (i.e. leadership, teaching, reading and understanding the Bible, to list a few).

God has allowed me to go through all these things at such a young age to prepare me for what's to come. how then, could i possibly think that these experiences have not prepared me for ministry? why do i still feel so inadequate? i know in my head that i've got something to offer because of these experiences (as well as experiences in ministry over the past several years) and because of the gifts God's given me. but a part of me still refuses to believe it. well that's all going to change.

we also must not forget the role of the devil. he always attacks us in our weakest places. inadequacy is a very weak place. when we feel inadequate, we can become paralyzed from all the doubts and uncertainty of ourselves and even of God. this can prevent us from stepping into the things God is calling us to, the things that He desires for us.

closing
1. not all churches have this mentality as i've described. this is evident in the fact that my classmates are being hired, even as first year students. but i think it needs to be pointed out that this is a perspective that some churches, church congregants and church leaders hold.

2. i am not downplaying the necessity of formal training. if God's called you to full-time ministry, you should go to a seminary to learn (of course, not everyone has this luxury and privilege). this is extremely vital to prepare you for what's to come, as well as giving you the tools for ministry settings.

3. i wrote this entry as a challenge to myself and a challenge to you, especially if you relate with what i'm talking about. do not short-change yourself when it comes to serving. God has given each and every one of us experiences and gifts that are used for His Kingdom purposes. if He's called you to something, approach it with a heart of humility and reverance. you may very well be ill-equipped too, but God will equip you. step out in confidence knowing that.

so am i ill-equipped? from the perspective of formal training, i sure am. from the perspective of life experiences, informal training and mentoring, not at all. is one necessarily more valuable/more necessary than the other? is a balance between the two ideal? that's for you to decide.

Posted by Leo Chan at September 20, 2005 2:48 PM