job searching...

April 17, 2002

well, today i finally got off my lazy butt and decided to drop off a few resumes at local design firms. it was such a crazy hot day, 29 degrees according to the newspaper. i took like such a long time to get out of the house, cuz i was debating on what clothes looked 'formal' but not too formal. geez. and i was trying to iron my shirts, but like i have no clue how to do that. i guess i need to ask my mom one of these days how to do that? that could be helpful.

anyways, i was kinda excited about dropping my resume off at one company cuz they were hiring a graphic designer, and their site looked pretty good and whatever. so i found the address and drove there. much to my surprise, it was not in a building as i had expected. it was a HOUSE. that's right, a HOUSE. frick! in my eye. i drove like i dunno, 15 minutes to realize that the company was a home based one. which means it was probably run by a person my age. who would have thought!?

i went to some other companies and dropped off my resume, and then i headed home. i figured i'd do the e-mail thing, that seems to work the best for me, and wouldn't waste my time going to the actual company. so i e-mailed a whole crap load of companies and i actually received an immediate response from a company in LONDON, ontario! crazy.

i really have no idea what God has in store for me this summer. should i be doing that volunteer job? or like should i be getting a design job that pays? or a job doing ministry work? all these questions. i really find that the only thing that satisfies me is like being involved in ministry work. that's what really makes me happy. but i really don't know what God has in store for my future. whether i become a graphic designer or not, only He knows. sometimes i wish He would just tell me, but that would ruin everything if He did tell me! i do know that God knows what's going on, so i shouldn't worry about this stuff. it's all so insignificant!

anyhow, at night, we had our counselor's meeting for fellowship stuff. it was cool :) we talked about a lot of different issues in the fellowship and what needs to be done. i think i really need to start praying for the fellowship and stuff. like to take a more pro-active role perhaps. there's so many needs and so much stuff to pray for! i was kinda thinking i might not help out next year, but there's like some serious need in the fellowship. but i don't think i should do it just because there's a need. like honestly, there will always be needs in ministry. but i kinda felt like i need to stay to help out or something. i'll need to pray about that some more, cuz i'm not totally sure. i mean, next year will be crazy with work and stuff, i just know it. but if this is what God wants, then i'll have to do it!

uncle tom brought up a really good point today. something that he says 'haunts' him everyday, but it's a definite good thing! so this is what he said. as God is a God of provision, He provides stuff for us. but when He starts providing for us (for example a job), we kinda tend to forget about Him and use what He provides for us as an excuse to not do stuff for Him. confusing? yes. like if God granted us a job, we'd go so hardcore in the job, that if some kinda opportunities came up, we might say we don't have any time cuz of the job. but God gave it to us in the first place! so it's basically, God always need to be put first. of course that's easier to say than to actually put in practise!

anyways.. i gotta do some crazy driving tomorrow. i'm going to york, then sheridan, then waterloo! oh my :)

i'm done first year! wahoooooo :)

April 12, 2002

i'm done! :)

after a ton of struggles, disappointments, joys, my first year is finally come to a close. it's gone by SO incredibly fast. like a blink of an eye. maybe it's cuz we get so much work to do, that time is all a blur. it's just project after project after project until you finish a semester.

in any case, i've learned a lot this past year. one of the greatest lessons God has really been teaching me, is basically to be nothing before Him every single day. to realize it's impossible to do ANYTHING on our own power, and that it's all about Him. i guess i really struggled with that, maybe i still do. i mean, to realize that you can't do anything on your own strength, and it's all about relying on Him. but you know what? what's so bad about that? God's strength is far MORE greater than ours. He's MORE than sufficient for us. He's MORE than enough for us. that's something i can bank my complete trust on. my Daddy in Heaven, who's always watching over me, guiding me along as i go. what matters to me, matters to Him, cuz i'm important to God! how COOL is that? yes, little insignificant me, matters to God :) the Almighty God. the Alpha and Omega. the Creator of this entire UNIVERSE. that blows me away. i think it will forever more blow me away. God's just that huge and amazing and it will take me a lifetime TRYING to figure it all out :)

God certainly completes what He intends to do. i've been telling everyone that and i always believed it. check out philippians 1. but it's so very true. despite all the struggles i've had this year, and my fear of failing first year, it didn't matter. God put me in this program and He would complete what He intended to do. that's what i was holding onto this year. that God would carry me though it all, no matter how bleaked things seemed! that didn't mean i didn't have to try. i tried my utmost best in my studies (something i've never ever done) to give glory to Him. that might have gotten confused at some points. that's one of my bad points. i think i want glory sometimes. it's not for me to receive. all glory and honor and praise goes to the only One that deserves it! i need to learn that. if any glory gets shifted onto me, i have to like redirect it unto Him :)

hmmm, i'd write some more, but i have an interview tomorrow! ack :) i finally get to meet the guy who i've been playing phone tag with for the past two weeks. i really hope this job works out, but i have no clue what's going on. all i know is that God will sort out my summer, He will make everything work. i just need to keep trusting in Him that He will do it :) cuz He will! so i go to bed a little bit excited, a little bit anxious, wondering what God has in store for tomorrow :)

the beauty of children

April 11, 2002

i was driving home today at around 3:55. as i was rounding the streets, approaching my house, i drove by two little girls (they were probably in like grade 2/3 or something). i dunno, i can't tell ages! :) but that's besides the point. as i was driving by, they both waved at me. i didn't know who they were, and they were probably just being silly or cute, or a mixture of the two. but i decided to wave back at them! why not? i love children. that put one of the biggest grins on my face in a while :) the simple act of waving made me smile. aren't kids the COOLEST? :)

i still like to think of myself as a kid sometimes - it's a part of me that hopefully will ALWAYS be there.

children have so much to teach us. their innocence and unashamadneess in life. it's an incredible thing. faith like a child. if only it were so simple. being a child is a lot easier - they're unaware of all the 'evils' in the world, and they accept things so easily. it's not hard for them to trust/believe people. that's their nature! man i wish i was a kid again. life was so simplier back then. and as i get older (perish the thought), life will just get more and more complicated! i mean, when i think about the things going on now, it's nothing in comparison to what it's gonna be like in the future. but hey, it's all good :) God knows what's going on. and i don't really need to know anything else. as long as i stay connected to Him all the time - THAT's the challenge! :)

anyways.. i'm getting sleepy.. one more project to go :) i should be done iin like 2 hours tops, then i'm completely done my first year in design. WAHOOOOOO! :)

i'm 20!

well, i was going to post this on the day of my actual birthday (april 7th), but i didn't really have time to do it. :) that's what happens when you are in the york/sheridan bachelor of design program! there's never really that much time for yourself. time is one of the most precious things that we have. that's one of the greatest lessons i've learned this year.

anyhow, some thoughts i had on my birthday. in the Christian community, shouldn't there be some great fellowship happening within your local church? ever since september, i've basically been the only university student (1st year) at my church. it's been a lonely time for me, especially since my closest friends went away to waterloo for school. there's no fellowship at my church for people my age, and i don't find that i can relate with anyone there. so why am i still there? well, i think God's placed me there to do SOMETHING. i don't what that is, but i know He wants me there (at least He did in the summer). so anyways, i got to thinking on sunday. it was my birthday. i went to church and there weren't a lot of people saying happy b-day to me. only those that have grown up with me (which are only a few), or those that overheard it was my bday, and said it to be polite. it was kinda depressing. i didn't even get any gifs what-so-ever (not that i expected any, but STILL! one can always hope right? :) no one asked me out to go for lunch or anything.

last friday, my three good buddies took me out for this amazing dinner. one of my friends from watreloo came all the way back up to TO, just to take me out to dinner with the rest of them. now that's pretty cool stuff :) i totally appreciated that. and they went crazy and splurged on our dinner. it was crazy expensive, but also amazingly good :)

but back to my story. i went home early to start doing work (yes doing homework on a birthday, what do you expect) and a friend called me up to go for lunch (he was from another church). so i'm wondering, what's going on! my friends from OTHER churches were asking to take me out and what have you, but not at my own church. a little strange here. i even got a few phone calls from people (from OTHER churches). so i began to wonder. isn't the local church a place of fellowship? or at least that's what it's supposed to be. maybe it's the lack of 1st year university students at my church (everyone went away). so that's been on my mind lately. how do people cope with that?

i tried going to fellowship at york.. but nothing really panned out... i tried CCC, but never felt welcomed there. i dunno if i should just stick it out...

i really need to talk to tim about this sometime.. i'm confused :)

so i'm 20 years old. that's a really long time if you think about it. two decades on earth. and i begin to think what i've done in this life that accounts for anything of worth. have i 'brought' anyone to Christ? i don't believe so. that's one of the saddest things for me. not to say that i could lead anyone to Christ, only God does that, but to be a part of the experience. that would be a really cool thing :) i wonder if my life has made a positive impact to the lives around me, if i've made a difference in the kingdom of God. i wonder, and i still wonder. another year brings more life experiences and a chance to do my best for God and follow where He's leading me to go. i hope that He continues to show me more of Himself and show me parts of myself that need work/change. i know i have a lot of issues that i need to deal with, but God's MORE than enough to fix those : ) in His time & in His way...