bidding farewell

September 29, 2002

today was the last time i'll be stepping into the doors of MCBC for a while. perhaps indefinitely. i had to lead worship one more time before my committment at markham finally came to a close, and that was today. evangelical sunday. i spent a lot of time thinking about the set, trying to craft what i believed would be the best for the atmosphere, etc. was it successful? i have no clue.

worship leading always gives me a lot of 'stress' because i try to create a certain theme in my set and i try to cater that to the needs of the congregation. this one in particular was a lot more difficult since it was evangelical. but through my experiences as a worship leader, God always humbles me and shows me how much i need to desire Him and listen to what He intends. not that i ever think i know what i'm doing, because i really have no clue. all i can do is try my best and do my best for Him. :) worship leading though, is an extremely huge blessing to me. i love watching people engage in worshipping the Father in music, and to see their expressions as they pour out their love to Him. it's awesome!

yesterday, during one of the soundchecks for the BBT revolution, i was filling in tim's spot. so i was singing, playing the guitar with a FULL band. i've never led worship with a full band, and i think a part of me REALLY, REALLY desires that! actually i know a part of my really desires that. i'd love to be able to lead a worship band. but i guess it's not the time for me yet. i think the coolest "job" in the world is to be a worship leader. that's so cool! it is by far the coolest thing ever. i mean, you get to lead worship at all these neat places around the world!!

i always seem to go off on these little tangents. so as i was saying, today was my last day at markham. and to be honest, leaving was a lot "easier" than i had thought. it wasn't difficult or anything. and it wasn't like anyone was sad to see me go either. it's like i've already lost all my attachment to the church within a few weeks, perhaps ever since i've made my announcement. though i wanted to let people know that i wouldn't be back for a while, but it didn't happen. the ones that i wanted to tell, a) were too busy for me to get a hold of or b) didn't have much of a noticeable response to what i had said. maybe they've already gotten used to the fact that i won't be back. so what's in store? i have no idea. next week i'll venture off into the world of bayview glen. i wonder what it'll be like. all i know is that justin really enjoyed it there, so i would assume that i'll enjoy it too! i don't want to expect too much, so that i don't get my hopes let down or whatever if it's not what i expect. but yeah, i need to still seek God in this whole church switching business.

i've been struggling w/ some design work lately. i'm so not cut out for this. if God doesn't help me with design work, i won't be able to do anything. like seriously. i'm not good at it! but He's helped me come up with some typographical approaches for one of my projects and i really hope it'll be successful with my teacher. perhaps throughout all of this, God is just reminding me that i need to solely depend on Him for everything! :) and isn't that the greatest truth? "i can't. but He can" :) amen!

a home at last!

September 27, 2002

this is really unrelated with my entry tonight, but i must say this. LOUIE GIGLIO, my HERO, mentioned tim in the latest 7:22 (september 24th). isn't that psycho!??? like, this is 7:22 we're talking about!! i couldn't believe it. i honestly like fell over. he told everyone about how tim was telling him that he got us guys to watch 7:22 to get our feeding instead of bailing on our churches. i didn't expect louie to actually mention tim! i knew he would probably say something about the worship together conference. but yeah.. WOW!

anyhow, today was part II in my fellowship experience with CCC. God is totally just blowing my expectations out of the water. i went today, not really expecting anything. just kinda thinking, "is this where you want me to be?". and so i quietly walked in, and sat down in one of the seats near the front. i saw raine, one of the girls that i've met before, but she was talking to someone so i just sat down. and so this guy named ryan sat beside me and starts talking to me. he's a worker for campus crusade (so maybe that accounts for it, but whatever, it doesn't matter). and yeah, he starts asking me some general questions but it was cool. we got to talking about a whole bunch of different things! and i'm just sitting there thinking, wow this like never happens. no one ever talks to me at CCC. but this year, it's different. not COMPLETELY different, but it's different. i still feel a bit strange there since i don't really know anyone, but yeah. that'll change. cuz i'm going there from now on.

and what was also really cool was that ryan was telling me about their men's Bible study groups. and to be honest, i did want to join but i never told them my schedule or anything so i figured it wouldn't work out. and lo and behold, one of their groups actually works! what are the odds. i'm only at york twice a week! so i'm definitely gonna join up with the Bible study and i'm really hoping that it'll be a good thing. i'm sure it will be :)

a part of me wonders if maybe God let me feel so awkward, strange and alienated last year at CCC so i could understand how people might feel sometimes there. i still feel like there could be definite room for improvements in that area, and i will definitely make a voice of that issue later on when i'm more connected with everyone there. i saw a guy that i met two weeks ago at the BBQ. his name's alex. and i noticed that he was sitting alone. i was also sitting alone for a while too, like i said. so i sat there, wondering if i should like go up and say something to the guy. and i was going to but i was stupid so i stalled. and then the ryan dude had a seat beside me and started the whole conversation thing. and after that worship started. so i figured i'd sit beside ryan after worship happened or whatever. but then he left. and i felt really bad. it was like i missed an opportunity or something. dumb me. i gotta be more like "reactive" to those instances i think. like no delays. so that was totally my bad. i really hope that guy comes back. i'll go chat it up with him next time. well i'll try to! :)

tonight, they had a topic on "living by the Spirit". so it was more like a message/sermon type thing. it was pretty good, i think God's trying to humble me with taking me back to basics, and reminding me of things i need to work on, things that i believe He wants to change in my life. one of the phrases that the speaker (melissa, another worker for campus crusade) said that i remember is something like this: "we act on what we strongly desire the most" - so if God is who we desire the most, then the way we live our live should follow suit. we should be desiring the things of God and nothing else. i think i haven't been living by the Spirit daily. little fits of rage or whatever have been springing up in me every now and then. i'll get annoyed easily. or drivers will get on my nerves. or stuff like that. i HAVE to remember that i can't do anything on my own. i can't. what can i do without Christ? absolutely nothing! i pray that God will always be the One i desire most, so that i won't gratify the desires of the sinful nature, but gratify life by the Spirit. that's what it's all about! :)

that'll be it from me tonight. i hope to get to know the CCC people much better in the time to come. and i hope that God'll continue to help me develop and meet those people as time goes on :)

praise God. He's the only one deserving of it! g'nite :)

ccf anyone?

September 25, 2002

i've sorta been seeing things differently this past week. i think God maybe doing some re-working in my life, just trying to get me off me. and more on His people on campus. i've been wondering what people are thinking about when they walk around campus, or even as they sit in class. what motivates them? what causes them to do the things they do?

i don't know what this will lead to, but i find myself "watching people" more - which totally reminds me of that "watching people" thing we did at UT CCF back in the summer. and i think it's a good thing to do. i mean, we are WAY too concerned about ourselves, our own well being and we seldom think of others. maybe i shouldn't generalize. i don't think of others all too often. it's all about me, me, me. isn't that just horrible? i'm trying to change and only by God's grace can that happen! :)

so yeah, i had my psychology class today. wasn't sure what to expect, but i went early to secure myself a better seat. i honestly hate sitting in the back. i feel as if the people that really don't want to be there end of sitting in those spots. so they're loud, and cause ruckus. so i plunked myself down in a seat and was just sorta thinking. okay. what now. so this guy sits right beside me. so i don't say anything cuz i'm silly and stupid and i don't know how to talk to people. but he eventually starts talking to me. and sure it really didn't get anywhere. we talked about absolutely squat. but i guess i was happy. first time ever i actually found out someone's name in the class. of course i don't remember what it is now, but that's besides the point. i have no idea why it's so hard for me to start conversations w/ people. it's just not me. but maybe God's trying to break me out of my shell!? *shrugs* i guess i'll see what happens during the next while in psych. hopefully i'll get to know some of the froshes, perhaps help them out?

i went to CCF tonight. i actually forced myself to stay at york for an extra hour (yeah, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is for me). i actually have a ton of work when i think about it, so i need to get started on that soon. to be honest, it wasn't anything special. i didn't really feel 'welcomed' or what have you. i saw people that i've met somewhere along the way in the life of a chinese Christian and so the faces are familiar. as to whether i know them personally, that's a different story. they did a program on humility and it really wasn't anything new. no new perspectives, no gripping ideas. maybe i'm too critical. and i just sat there, wondering if this is where i'm supposed to be for the next 3 years for fellowship or if it's supposed to be CCC. i honestly don't know. but i guess i didn't have a 'settling' peace being there tonight. like i could totally see the friendships that have formed over the past year(s) and it's really cool. but i don't feel like i fit in? of course i'll feel the same way at CCC so i'm still stuck. i figure i'll go to both fellowships like twice or three times and decide from there. i'll be checking out CCC tomorrow!

i should mention, that there was a neat part of the program tonight at CCF. we actually washed each other's feet and stuff, modelling it after Jesus. and i just thought about the whole act of doing it and wondered what Jesus thought while He did that. like feet washing isn't the most desirable thing a person could do. but i bet you anything that when Jesus did it, He didn't complain or gripe about it, or try to do a rush job. i bet He totally enjoyed it and took a whole lot of time doing it because He cared so much for them. i close my eyes, and i just picture Jesus just smiling and having like the best time of His life doing it. and when i think about that, that just blows me away. here's the KING of the universe humbling Himself and enjoying doing the most lowly task on the face of the planet, washing people's feet. and for you folks, i'm just thinking this is what happened, i have no basis for it. but that's my thinking for tonight. that's Jesus for you. the one who shocked everyone's values, way of thinking, everything. that's just awesome. and the great thing is that He's MY Jesus! MY Savior. MY all. MY everything :)

thinking about worship together

September 23, 2002

i had the privelege of attending the worship together conference at queensway cathedral this weekend. wow. i cannot describe in words what took place there. the Spirit of God moved in that place so powerfully. it was just incredible. i'll get into what happened a little bit later.

basically the only reason why i went to the conference was because i wanted to see louie giglio LIVE in person. he's honestly like my hero. i really look up to that guy. the way he lives his life, the way he preaches, the passion that he has for God. like everything that he does is just so amazing! :) so i go there just wanting to hear louie preach. i didn't have any expectations of what would happen. i just went. and as i said, i was really excited to hear louie on friday morning. and i actually went up to speak with him and SHOOK his hand! :) i was so nervous and everything. lol. it's kind of silly if you ask me, after all, he's just a normal person like you or me. but to me, this is LOUIE. this is the guy i've been watching on internet broadcasts (7:22) for three years. and just seeing him in person was so strange but so awesome at the same time. i was really blessed by the things that he talked about.

there were a few things that really hit me over this weekend.

the first being God just being so huge. i think it was a great reminder for me to hear. i mean, as you know, i've been really thinking about that over the summer because of my summer school course. like how BIG God really is! He created the ENTIRE universe. and the universe isn't this little thing, it's huge! it doesn't make sense. 1.2 billion galaxies. we live in ONE of those galaxies. but i think the coolest thing, the absolute coolest thing is that God knows us so intimately. and He uses people like us to be a part of His Kingdom purposes. He allows US to be a part of HIS Kingdom purposes! how awesome is that? this HUGE, BIG, AMAZING God lets us know & serve Him and experience Him. that's awesome.

the second thing, is to really just keep placing my hope in Christ. and honestly, that's easier said than done. with all the things that have been happening in my life recently, i admit i've struggled with that. to look beyond the snapshot of what i'm facing, and to realize that it's part of a bigger mosaic, a mosaic as large of the universe that God is putting together. i just have to keep looking up! :)

mike pilavachi had a great message on worship and evangelism. and i think i never really looked at worship and evangelism in that way. his basic point was that our worship should extend out into the streets. because when we worship God, we'll experience Him right? and from that, we'll want to proclaim God's goodness to everyone aroud us. and when people see us worshipping God, they'll know something is going on. mike was sharing with us these stories that happened at a few conferences that he was at. that people would be convicted and accept Christ during the musical worship portion of the conference, long before the message even began! isn't that awesome? :) i think that's such a cool thing.

i went to a workshop of mike's that was talking about passing the baton of faith to the next generation. and like, i know i'm not really 'there' yet, in terms of mentoring people, caring for people, especially now that i'm changing churches and stuff, but for me, is that i really just need to be mindful of the things i say and the things i do to the people around me. because as much as i'd hate to admit, for some reason, God has put me in a position where people do look up at me. and i won't ever understand that, but i guess i haven't been doing the bestest job of raising them up. i mean, jer and i have messed up so many people. if we put all that energy into GOOD purposes, then things would be great :)

the last message, louie talked about giving ourselves to Christ, and letting Him send us to wherever He wants for His names' sake. that hit me like a ton of bricks. a point louie made was just about how we've been going to church and have been getting fat. we've been soaking up all the knowledge and keeping it to ourselves. we're concerned with all this internal church stuff, and we don't give a hoot about what's going on out there. "let what we do in here, fill the streets out there". that's basically what he was talking about. and like God really convicted me. i've been sitting in church all my life, and i've never really had a strong burden to go witness to people. and i've been trying in my small, little way to share the light of Christ with others. just by "living the life that leads to why". and i guess i've been expecting God to do things? i really don't think i'm the type to go up to strangers and just talk about Jesus with them. that's not who i am. i'd rather just live my life in such a way that people would take notice and ask why. and perhaps i have been doing that. perhaps i haven't. but all i know, is that i need to do more. maybe it's as simple as praying for my friends from school. and that would do so much. because i haven't committed myself to praying for them daily and maybe it's time i should. all i know, is i need to do be more proactive. more willing to let God use me no matter how hard it is for me. no matter how uncomfortable i might feel or anything like that. but to be open to what He has in store for me to do. and i really think that this hit me at the right time. i've been really struggling this year to focus myself on the greater purpose of God placing me in this program. because i just want to get out and get into seminary, somewhere that i really want to be. but it's like God's just telling me. "hold on leo, i placed you in design for a reason. and i want you to fullfill that purpose. so don't look that far ahead, look to the everyday. look to the now. and serve me." so i need to stop complaining and whining about how school sucks, etc. to my friends. because how does that make me different from them? i need to allow God's light to shine through me into the lives of those around me at school. i know it's going to be hard. i know i'll probably mess up here and there but i have a renewed sense of purpose of being at school. and i think God was really getting at my being in the psychology class. cuz i really hate being there. but i'm in a class w/ all these frosh, so maybe i could help them in some way?

i heard a snippet of a message by creflo dollar yesterday. and he was talking about how spiritual food. and how as we get older we need to eat 'meat'. you know what? i think i've been still trying to drink milk when what i really need is meat. i've been doing the same amount of devotions and all that stuff and i haven't really dug deep and tried more to get to know God. and i think it's time i did. i don't know where the time will come from, and i don't know how it'll happen. but i have a feeling that i need to spend more and more time with Jesus. He's my source of life. He's my direction. He's my hope. He's my everything. and so i want to know Him more!

that'll be it for now. i have to get working on all my homework! :)

going deeper

September 19, 2002

looking back on what i wrote on monday, i'm actually pretty shocked at the feelings i had.

i've been back to my 'normal' self these past days. it's because i've picked up my Bible and resumed my devotions for the past few days :)

i think i've been making my school a lot BIGGER than it really is. i've been magnifying the amount of work i have into this seemingly impossible task that cannot be completely, when in actuality, with a lot of hardwork, it can be done, with God's help, God's strength. i do believe that this year will be another challenge/struggle for me as a 'designer'. new challenges will come my way, i can already see it. but i know that God'll carry me through it.

i'm still struggling with not wanting to be there, especially in my psychology class. it's all frosh students. and i can't stand it. they complain, they swear. geez. it's so annoying. i want to smack them all around. and they have this mentality like they're all that, and all this crap. frickin. i've got some definite attitude problems w/ them, but i can't help it. it's just so frustrating! i have to look and see the greater purpose of my being there. from the looks of things, i'm not going to be meeting anyone anytime soon.

ANYHOW, i went to this thing called "the cutting edge" tonight with eric. he wanted to go to it. basically it's this like discussion forum on different topics relating to Christianity. christa gave him a brochure thing for it, and thought he'd like it. so we went! turns out there were like only 7 of us, and the 5 of them were like 40+ year old males :P at first i was kinda intimidated, but we stayed. and it was really cool. they talked about some interesting things! :) some of it was too intellectual for me, like over my head.

and i think one of the things God was trying to tell me tonight, was that i need to go deeper. i need to spend more time in the Word, more time getting to know Him. i think He wants me that of me. and i want to learn more of Him. so hopefully i'll start spending more time just getting to know God more. maybe like morning and evening devotions. that'll be cool :)

another interesting tidbit was a thing one of the guys said about post-modern science. just how traditional science used to be (and still is) given more importance than religion. religion would be an unimportant matter. but post-modern science realizes that a lot of the things that the use to believe was right actually turns out to be wrong, etc. and so religion is now moving up to a position, so that it's basically 50/50 with science. the guy said that it was sad how that kind of thinking hasn't been accepted into instituions like universities, etc. but i think it will eventually. and i think it's awesome :) eric really enjoyed it tonight. i could tell that he would while i was sitting there. it's totally his kinda stuff :)

anyways, i should be getting to bed. i'm so pumped for tomorrow. WORSHIP TOGETHER conference baby! but that's not the greatest thing about it. LOUIE GIGLIO is preaching tomorrow morning. i'm so excited! tim told me that he actually MET him today......... ohhhhhhhhh.. i'm so jealous... he actually talked to the MAN.............. i gotta talk to louie! :) he's like my hero. he really is!

ok, ok... that's enough from me! g'nite :) worshiptogether awaits!!!

who am i?

September 16, 2002

i don't know who i am anymore.

i feel like i'm drifting away from everything and everyone. it's as if a part of me died; an important part of me.
i don't feel joy even though there have been some incredible things happening - things that would normally make me off-the-wall happy, ecstatic, jumping for joy, that kinda idea. all i feel is a want to be joyful. i feel like i'm completely emotionless. sometimes thing will cause a 'peak' in my feelings, but it's not really that drastic. i don't get it. i don't know what's happening in me.

maybe it's because i haven't been in the Word lately. and because i haven't been connected to the One who sustains me and has given me my identity, perhaps that's the reason of all my strangeness? i think it is.

so i decided to do something about it today. i read joshua. "do not let this book of the law depart from your mouth: medidate on it day and night" (joshua 1:8) and i think God affirmed it in my heart.

i realized over this past week that my faith in God really isn't as strong as i would have like to believe. i wonder if the great 'faith' giants had their ups and downs with God. questioning Him when things happened, and maybe even getting just downright upset with Him. that's what it was like for me. and all the intellectual stuff that i know about God, it didn't help at all. "God's in control" or "it's not His time yet" - i knew all that. and a part of me was just like, that's enough. i don't care. it doesn't help. my human frality is a lot more than i had thought perhaps God is trying to show me that i still have a long way to go, more so than i previously thought.

i noticed an interesting phenomenon this evening as i drove home from the hospital. it was raining a little bit, so the road was wet. and i was just driving home when i noticed the way the light refracted from the headlights of cars on the road's surface. like the light from the headlights of the car was changing the surface/the nature of the road. and to me, it was special. it meant something. it was another one of those 'spiritual' ordinary experiences. i felt like it was a good picture of the light of Christ in us. that it radiates beyond us, affecting people around us. whether we know it or not. but if the light of Christ lives and dwells within us, it'll make a difference to the people around us! just like how the light from the headlights affected the road around it.

on saturday, i heard a nice quote from star trek voyager. commander tuvlak said it to kes: "if there was no darkness, how could you see the light?" - i thought about the question about why God would create Satan - and i think the quote answers it quite well. if we didn't know what the evil was and only what good was - what need of God would we have? only in the presence of evil, do we understand the concept of goodness. in the absence of evil, we would only be in this certain state, not knowing what good or evil was.

my thoughts are all jumbled tonight. i'm really stressed out about school. i'm worried about 2nd year. that i won't be able to do it. *sigh* i'm scared. i don't know if i have what it takes to stay in this year. from the looks of things, i don't. i can't even find information on my type designer. and i don't really have any ideas for my other project. in the back of my mind, i know that God has placed me in the program and that He'll carry me through like last year. but something inside of me won't let me believe it.

i'm tired and i'm frustrated. lately almost everything pisses me off.

i need You God......... i can't do anything.

thoughts on york/sheridan

September 13, 2002

i haven't written in a while.

lots of things have happened this week and i haven't had a chance to really sit down and reflect and write about it.
one of the things is about my future. my life as a designer perhaps? not really. i went to volunteer at RGD (registered graphic designers of ontario) on saturday cuz i wanted this free book you could get if you volunteer 3 hours of time. and i got a whole bunch of my friends to come with me since i didn't want to do it alone :) it wasn't too bad. we just spend like 3 hours packing a whole bunch of materials into the envelopes so they were ready for mailing. and we talked during the entire time! it was actually kinda fun.

anyhow, one of my friends told me that she got an internship at the discovery channel over the summer. pretty cool huh? i think maybe during first year, i would have actually been really envious/jealous of her. because i'd want an internship so i could experience and what have you. but you know what? i didn't care at all. NOT AT ALL. zero, zip, zilch! so i was thinking to myself, what's going on here? have i come to such a point i'm completely apathetic to anything design? perhaps.

monday rolls around - my first day back at school. there's a ton more people in 2nd year, or at least it felt that way. our 6 hour lecture classes are packed full of people, and i definitely don't like that. i don't like being around a whole bunch of people. makes me nervous, uptight, scared even. but yeah, they were talking about whatever. and i was going to stab myself. wondering why i was sitting in my seat listening. "do i even care?" but i saw a lot of faces i haven't seen over the past summer and that just sorta reaffirmed how God had put me there. the second class, an interesting point was made by a student. he was talking about industrial design and how ridiculous it was that people would create all these different products for the same use (ie. a kettle) and have people waste all their money it. and my professor responded with something like this: "designers do not fulfill a need in a person, designers create a want in a person that does not already exist." and then he talked about how stupid that was because there's all these people starving in 3rd world countries and stuff. and i thought about that. it's VERY TRUE. how many of us actually care? or are aware of what's going on? not many of us. and it's so sad. after i heard that, i'm like geez. what kind of program am i in!? i think God's also reaffirming with me how i'm just there because He put me there. i really doubt it'll be my future career!

it's all about seminary baby :) seriously. i'm actually looking forward to it :) i just want to finish these 3 more years and then move on to something i really want to do :) but i think i need to make sure my attitude doesn't get all like "whatever, who cares" type thing. it's still gotta be on trying my best and remembering that i should want to be in the program because God put me there :)

Godly friendships

September 6, 2002

it's been a really crazy week. lots of things have been happening in my life and in the lives of those around me. where do i begin?

after sufficiency, everyone, and i do mean EVERYONE left. everyone from markham, everyone from ETCBC, everyone from anywhere. i realize that like almost 99% of all my friends were entering first year this year! how insane is that? and the saddest part of everyone leaving is that all my closest friends are now in other cities other than toronto. and basically, they're all in waterloo. justin, sharon, jer & jon. all people from like ETCBC. but that's not to say that all my friends are there. it was an especially emotional for me sunday night when i said my goodbyes to janice & andy chung. why? cuz i've had some great times with those guys and they're really far away from me. man, we've had so many great times over the years. and to know that i won't be seeing them for a long while, it hurts. it still does. i know that i'll see them again, but i mean it's really not the same. i think chung & janice were like my closest friends at markham, aside from lydia. but yeah. i'm going to miss those two. and i'll miss josephine, andy chow, garway, and erica. those are a great bunch of guys :)

with justin, sharon, jer & jon it was a little diffferent. waterloo really isn't that far from me, so i'm gonna try and go visit them pretty often, like once a month or so. i think i have a really strong bond with all of them. but like with justin and sharon, it's different. especially justin. oh man, if there was anyone i've had a whole lot of silly times with, and who's a lot like me, it's justin. i love that guy. i kinda see him like timothy and myself like paul. like the relationship we have anyway. i see so much potential in him, and i can't wait to see one day when he's the man God wants him to be. what a truly gifted guy! i really miss his company, and it's only been a few days. everytime i see a pylon, i like want to grab it for him. lol. but honestly, all i want for him this year is to become this like superhero in Christ. a true passionate lover of Him!

with sharon, well it's a little different :) we've also had a share of our silly times with one another. she's another one of those truly gifted people, especially in music. oh man! what crazy giftedness God has given her. and like she's always so cheerful and stuff. i know people are going to fall in love with her right away. how could you not? she's got such a warm presence to her!

i went to visit him and sharon on wednesday, cuz yeah. i didn't get to say my goodbyes truly. man, i know that God is going to do some amazing stuff in their lives. and i know justin's struggling right now, but God'll pull him through it. i can't wait to hear what God's been doing in their lives when i see them again! in the meantime, i want to commit myself to praying for them everyday. i'll try my best to do it :)

i must admit it's been really weird this past week, not really having any contact with them since they all don't have any internet yet. i think it's time for me to develop some solid friendships at fellowship at york. i need to settle down. soon. in any case, i thank God for friends. i thank God for justin, sharon, jer, jon and joseph. joe understands how i feel. everyone leaving and all. it's really strange. but yeah, maybe this year me and joe can get closer. that'd be really cool :)

more to come later...

sufficiency: the 'after' math

September 2, 2002

i didn't get a chance to write last night because i was simply too tired from everything and i had to wake up early for service this morning at city centre baptist.

sufficiency is now completely over. and while a great relief has been lifted from my shoulders, a sense of sadness also dwells in my heart. simply because a lot of my dear friends are leaving for university. tomorrow's the big 'moving' day for all first year students. a lot of which are my good buddies. but i'll talk about that later.

it really was a special evening last night. and i think i had anticipated for more people to attend so when i saw the turn-out, i was a little bit disappointed. maybe i had a presumption that there were going to be "more" than i had anticipated, but i was totally off the mark. so i was thinking. it didn't matter who came or how many came. all that mattered was that God would be glorified and honored through the evening. and so that was the sole thought i had throughout the entire night.

wow, i was floored by like everything that happened. justin did a super job with the explanation of the phos hilaron. he actually memorized what he was going to say and it was totally awesome. it was clear and concise! God totally used him. i think it was a great way to kick-start the evening and it was totally the different thing that we wanted. :) let me just say this. the candles were GORGEOUS. justin found this beautiful red cloth to drape over the 'communion' table. and we surrounded the big momma candle that represented Christ with little candles around it. it was a really pretty sight. they put candles on top of the piano, on the sides of the stage. it was awesome :) i love candles. i really do!

all the transitions that we NEVER practiced was really smooth. God totally unified the night together and knit it together really smoothly. man, there were so many things that blew me away. anson's Scripture reading was WOW. he's such a talented guy. sharon did some crazy vocal action in child of God. i like fell over. and katie did a lot of these really great vocal fills. it was awesome. i was also really thankful for jon. his monologue was i think, the best he's ever done. he was clear, concise. he really stepped into his role! like i don't think anyone else could have done what he did. so that was all really amazing! God totally showed up. i was sorta looking into the congregation to see how people were responding and some people were really getting into it. :)

alvin's testimony was short and sweet. i think it was really good for the froshies. i really appreciated him taking his time out to speak for us. he did a really awesome job! and i think the advice he gave was great stuff.

christine prepared a great message. i think it hit a lot of people. one of the things she said really struck me. and it was just because i've been thinking more and more about everyone that's leaving this year. it's crazy. and so i was starting to get all emotional over it because i will really miss them. so yeah, she was talking about "reamining in the vine". and that since all of us are connected to the vine, it doesn't matter where we are. and when we meet, our fellowship should be THAT much SWEETER because when we see each other again, we can share all the great things that God has been doing in our lives. that's so very true. it's a whole new perception! :) so i was very happy to hear her say that. it gave me a lot of comfort.

all in all, the night went really well. why? because God had His hand ALL over it. and He glorified Himself through us. now that's truly amazing!! i've really learned a lot through preparing this night, just how difficult it is to do, how much stress there is involved with it, and how much a blessing it can be at the same time. just thinking about how many people volunteered their time shows me truly how we need each other as a body of Christ. i mean, if one part of the body fails, then like things won't work. but when the entire body is working in harmony with one another, things are GOOD :)

so i am totally thinking about what will happen in the future with our 'rebel worship' group. i truly believe that we could be like the next generation of john 4:24. but perhaps i'm alone on that one. i hope not....

it's getting QUITE late now, so i'll write about more stuff tomorrow. :) g'nite!