if only

March 15, 2003

i'm currently working with a girl named sylvie on a project in my design & systems 1 class. before this, i never knew sylvie at all - i just knew what she looked like. so over the past week, i e-mailed her a few times to try and get to know her a bit more. yesterday when i was talking with her, she told me her grandmother had passed away. my heart sank. i was completely speechless. i wanted to say something, anything, but no words verbalized from my mouth. i was stunned and stood there completely shocked. how do you respond to something like that?

we had to meet with our teacher later on that day, and she was almost brought to tears when she was trying to tell him what happened. she actually asked me to tell him. i tried to find out some more about her relationship with her grandma and what happened. apparently she was pretty close with her and for the past few weeks, her grandma has been pretty sick. and i believe it was just yesterday or thursday when she passed away. i wanted to tell her that i'd be praying for her and her family. but all i could mutter out was, a very lame "don't worry about school - it's not important. just do what you have to do". i was kicking myself for not being able to say anything more than that. and then she was off. she's gone out of the country for several days. WHY couldn't i say more? why didn't i say more? i'm beating myself over it. God is in control of it all - i don't know if she's Christian or if her grandma was, but it doesn't change the fact that God is in control. i wish she knew that. i wish she'd know that there's a God in heaven who loves her and her family very much. *sigh*

please pray for her.

watch those spills!

March 11, 2003

have you ever spilt water or any kind of liquid before? the next time that you do, watch what happens! the liquid will move from one area of the surface that it's been spilt on and spread out rather quickly to occupy more of the surface. it's kind of a neat phenomenon. well, i accidentally spilt a bit of water today when i was trying to clean up the sink and i noticed this interesting occurrence.

if we're not careful with our actions or thoughts in all circumstances, sin can have a similar effect in our lives. it could start simply as one lie to a friend. sooner or later, it's two lies, then four lies, and the process continues until we are caught in heavy deceit and who knows what else. more often than not, we are unaware of this consuming power that sin has in our lives until it's too late. by the time we notice, that "little" sin has come full circle and bloomed into an all consuming force that we cannot control. we're fortunate, however. there is no sin that is so big that we cannot overcome it - God conquered satan on the Cross and so nothing is impossible. :) but you do not want to be dealing with sin when it's become such an overbearing force. what ideally should happen, is once you spot any kind of sin in your life, you should "nip it in the bud" so to speak. you deal it with it right away - don't let it get away from you; don't let it spread any further.

the best way to deal with a spill is to get rid of immediately. that way, the spill is concentrated in one area. if you wait too long, the spill would have spread out over a larger surface area, and it would take more effort to clean it up. it's the same with sin. "When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." (james 1:13-15 [NIV]) let's make sure we don't allow sin to become full-grown in our lives by running to the foot of the Cross whenever we stumble and fall. He'll always be there to pick us back up! :)

to live, is to deny oneself

March 5, 2003

i stopped by the annual design show of york/sheridan on monday, hoping to get free food and to see if just maybe some of my work was up on the walls. the verdict? nothing, zlich, zippo! instead, all i saw were fantastic examples of design, design that i would never able be able to do. some of the pieces blew me away, in terms of construction and concept. i can't even begin to comprehend how someone could do work like that. however, there were a few pieces that were just "okay", and i wondered why my "okay" work isn't included in the show? i mean, not to be arrogant or anything, but i thought some of my work was better than some of the stuff hanging on the walls - in fact, i knew it was better because i got a better grade on mine.

upon leaving the show, i realized i was upset. i really really wanted something of mine to be there. why? maybe just as an indication that i'm not a crappy designer, that i actually produce some decent work for projects. maybe as an encouragement to tell me to keep going, that everything will be alright. maybe to just say "you're doing fine". it wasn't really for the praise from people that i wanted - i wanted it for myself. but there's something really wrong with that, as much as i try to fight with myself about it. i wanted it for ME. when you lose perspective, and things become about yourself, that's where danger lies. everything should about Him, not me. why do i need to encourage myself about keep going when the Bible says "i can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (philippians 4:13 [NIV])

what it comes down to is denying yourself - your ambition, your dreams, your aspirations, your goals, your career, your life, YOU. everything that is YOU has to come to a surrender before a Holy God, our Holy God. and it's hard. it's fighting yourself about what you want out of life and realizing it's not your own life to begin with. jeremiah knew this, "I know, O LORD, that a man's life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps." (jeremiah 10:23 [NIV]). what a great prayer. it's so true. we weren't created to live on this planet so that we could achieve status, fame, success for ourselves. we were created to have an intimate relationship with God, to proclaim His truth to all peoples. that's what it really is all about. and i struggle with that.

after a while, i began to realize that if any of my work was hanging up on the wall, i probably would have accredited that achievement to myself and not God. i would have thought to myself "hey, not bad, i'm pretty good". but because nothing of my work was showing, it was a good reminder that everything i do, is in the hands of God - that He's the one sustaining me, the One carrying me through all of this. it was also a good reminder that design isn't my thing - that there's greater plans in store for my life than design.

on a completely unrelated note, i was talking to justin yesterday, and there's a possibility we might go see SHANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay, i think that shows my excitement. :) either in new york or michigan. it doesn't matter. we are going! well, as long as the date works out okay :P

i've got a psych test later on today. i didn't really have a chance to study for one of the 3 chapters, but because of all the snow craziness i'm not going to my class at sheridan this morning (why risk it?). so now i have an extra 4 hours to study for it :) all God's grace!

an update about ME!

March 2, 2003

fellowship on friday was a grand time :)

we all went to pui-wing's house for dinner, sharing and worship! i had a blast hanging out with everyone, and just eating some GOOOOOD food :) pui-wing's wife, celia is a great cook! i very much enjoy going there for dinner (been there twice now). this time, there were these HUGE strawberries that syd was ranting about. it was really jokes :) and we had this amazing strawberry swirl cheesecake...mmmmmmm.. soo good :)

we had a worship time, and it was really cool. we were singing the song "breathe" at one point, and the chorus just jumped out at me. there were three of us leading worship, joyce, kim and myself. and all of us picked up on it. we knew that something special was going on at that moment, that God was working. the really amazing thing was that all three of us were on the same page. the things kim and i were thinking, was what joyce did (she was leading). it was incredible! :) man i really miss leading worship......

so what am i thinking about lately? a few things:

a) what God has in store for the summer
b) summer school? i'm thinking of taking type 4 (but there's only one section for the course and i think 3rd/4th year students have priority)
c) summer job? no idea where i'm going to find one
d) missions trip? should i be going on one? there's two possibilities, CTI and teen mania (mexico)
e) next year: move out to oakville or stay at home?

i'm praying about all of these.. hopefully God'll answer me soon :)

"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (philippians 4:6-7 [NIV])

thoughts on the SALT retreat

lately my postings seem to be about analogies that have jumped out at me from the ordinariness of life, and less about what's actually happening in my life.

i never mentioned the retreat that i went on with SALT, the one that uncle pui-wing asked me to lead a discussion group at. it was a good time just hanging out with everyone for a couple of days. each of us discussion group leaders were in charge of our own group of about 5-6 people, and there were three sessions. i was completely worried and unsure of what i was doing, so i'd be praying, trying my best to prepare as best i could before the actual time. and during the times, it was interesting to listen to the discussions that arose from the topics we were looking at. i was always worrying about how we'd run out of things to say, or like we'd finish early and have all this time on our hands. but i was wrong all the time. in most cases, we went later than expected! but despite that, during the discussions, i'd be thinking to myself how i wasn't really doing a good job. and at the end of all the group times, i wondered how they thought it went.

we had an encouragement time sunday night because we were snowed in and the roads were not safe to drive on. and so basically what happened was, we went in a circle and said stuff about each person (7 to be exact). when it got to me, two of my group members said it went well, and they said i did a good job. i think i needed that. and God knew it, so He used those two people to encourage me. of course, it wasn't me at all doing anything "good", but God working through me. all He really looks for is available people. don't have the skills? that's okay. i believe God has the power to equip and enable any person to do anything if that's His perogative. but it starts with people being available.

as i said earlier, we were snowed in the sunday night. a lot of people had work to go to the next day, school to attend, even mid-terms to write. most of us wanted to get back home sunday night, including myself. but here's what i thought. there had to be a reason why we were snowed in there. God knows what's best for us! it turns out, that one of the auntie's co-workers was actually in the same area as us and tried heading back to toronto sunday night. he was flagged down on the highway by a police officer and told to go to a hotel for the night because the highway was so terrible. it basically took him 2.5 hours to get to the nearest exit! isn't that nuts? when things don't make sense, look up. God's in control of everything and if we're relying on our own perspective, things won't make sense. God paints on a canvas that's bigger than the universe, and if we don't look to Him, it won't make sense. even if we do look to Him, things still might not make sense, but the thing is, our hope and trust is in the Creator of the universe, not ourselves! and that changes everything :)

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (isaiah 40:31 [NIV])

Christ IN us

March 1, 2003

i was using my cell phone the other day and noticed something that i didn't know before. you can actually store extra information for each person you add to the phone. stuff like e-mail, address, etc. and it totally surprised me. here i was using my phone for about a year or more now, and i never stumbled across the fact that my phone could do that. for most of the time, i'd write down someone's address or something and take it with me, when i could have just stored that information in my phone! i was missing out on something great that was already there, but i just wasn't aware of it.

that's a LOT like how we are with our walk with God, don't you think? do we fully understand what it means to have Christ in our lives? do we understand the enormous power we have in Christ? i don't think i completely grasp that. i mean, this is BIG stuff. Christ lives IN us. there's something unfathomable with that statement, something incredibly humbling with that statement, and something incredibly radical about that statement. if we truly knew our position, that would change everything. we wouldn't be living lives of defeat, but lives of power and victory.

when the storms come, and we get hit hard, if we know our position with Christ, then things change. our perspective shifts from our present situation to something Godly. job went through so much horrific stuff in his life. things that would rock ANYONE's core beliefs down to the bone. but he remained faithful to God. even when his closest friends gave him bad counsel, he refused to listen to them. of course Christ wasn't around back in job's time, but he knew his position with God. he was secure with him. i think we could really learn by his example.

7:22 did a series called "two words" last year. and this was on a card that they handed out. i think i'm going to design this card again and hand them out :) anyway, it went like this:

Christ is in me, and i am in Christ.

in Christ, i am loved by God and i am in the beloved
in Christ, i have the life of Christ in me
in Christ, i am a holy one, a saint
in Christ, i am completely forgiven
in Christ, i am alive
in Christ, i have been blessed with every spiritual blessing
in Christ, i have been chosen by God
in Christ, i have been made the righteousness of God
in Christ, i have been adopted into His family
in Christ, i have been raised up and seated with Christ in heaven
in Christ, i have been made complete
in Christ, i am a new creation
in Christ, i have been sealed eternally by the Holy Spirit
in Christ, i have the mind of Christ
in Christ, i am God's handiwork, created for good works
in Christ, i am free from sin's power
in Christ, i have been delivered from darkness into light
in Christ, i have peace with God
in Christ, i have the power of Christ

isn't that incredible? all of these points were pulled out from the Scripture. look them up. you'll see that they are all there :)

i just wanted to end with this verse: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ" (ephesians 1:3 [NIV])

that's right, he said, EVERY spiritual blessing in Christ. :)