"i fell in love"

September 28, 2003

"so what's new with you? anything major happen in your life these past years?"

"i fell in love"

this was the dialog that went on last night between a friend of mine and a person that he hadn't seen in a few years (from what i gathered). now, i didn't think too much about this until today. because to be honest, i didn't care that she had fallen in love. what difference did it make to me? i didn't even know her!

it got me thinking though. if someone were ever to tell you that they fell in love, you'd definitely ask them about it. i mean, wouldn't you want to know when it happened, who it was and all the things in between? i would. i'd be curious to know. i think people like to hear about love stories (unless they've gone through some really bad experience and are still dealing with it). just think about what types of shows are on tv these days. you have blind date, a dating story, the wedding story, the bachelor, the bachelorette (for all the femmes) and a myriad of other similar shows that are basically about love stories. people are interested in hearing about other people falling in love. it's a 'feel-good' moment. and it's a moment that everyone longs to be in, in some point of their lives. people want to be in love with someone else. they want to be in a place where another person loves them for who they are, a place where they won't be judged or ridiculed, a place where they can just be who they are. and so when this has happened in a person's life, inquiring minds want to know about it!

it's evident when a person has just fallen in love. they act a certain way and say certain things about their loved ones. it's apparent. that's the thing about love. it's visible. people in love don't hide it. they don't pretend like it doesn't exist. they're not trying to sweep it underneath the rug from all the world to see. but please don't mistaken me for condoning PDA, because i don't condone it. not at all. as i was saying, love might manifest itself in you talking about the person all the time (though that could also be infactuation, which is totally opposite) or your knees shaking whenver you see them.

wouldn't it be AMAZING if our relationship with Christ came to a place where we were literally falling in love with Him over and over again every single day? if we came to a place where we were so head over heels in love with Him that we just wanted to tell everyone? it'd be so incredible. people could see all our symptoms of love and then ask us about it. they'd want to know about it. and every time, every single time, we could share with them the unfailing love of God for us and for all mankind. because that's what Christianity is all about. it's a love story. the Bible is a love story written from God to us. it's His account for just how deep, how wide, His love runs for the world and for us. isn't that beautiful?

if all of the Christian population on planet earth, began to fall in love with their Saviour more and more each day, things would happen. BIG things would happen. because when you fall in love, you start acting in different ways. you think in different ways. no longer is it all about you, it's also about your loved one. you'll want to spend more time with them. you'll avoid doing things to upset them, and that may mean you change some of your 'bad' habits. and at the end of it all, is it worth it? definitely. because to sacrifice your all for the one that you love most, shows you and shows them just how much you love them. God calls us to life that kind of life. if we say we love God with our lips, and truly mean it, they we must live a life in a way that reflects that. and it's not out of duty that we do it; it's not because we have to, but because we want to. it's out of our love for Him.

1 john 3:18-24 [NIV]
18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
19 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence
20 whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
21 Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God
22 and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.
23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
24 Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.

what is faith?

September 26, 2003

over the past two weeks, i've been told by two people that they admired my faith. and while it served as a tremendous encouragement, it made me think about what i thought faith was. because had i taken what they said for face value, it would have inflated my ego. i must point out that people who said this to me were non-Christians. how amazing is that? it reminds me of the fact that when we live lives that are focused solely on proclaiming Christ in everything that we do, people will notice. when we live lives that are set apart for Christ, people will question, think and wonder. "live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. " (1 peter 2:12 [NIV]). that's living the life that leads to why. colossians 3:17 says "and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him"

so what is Christian faith?
one of the most popular verses used to answer this question can be found in hebrews 11:1, which says "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." it's about believing in the One who is greater than us. it's about putting our hope and trust in the One who is unchanging. it's about believing in the One who's ways are higher than ours. it's about trusting in the One who knows what's best for us, in every circumstance and situation.

faith is something given to us by God. i don't think it's possible to have faith without God having instilled it in us first. after that, i think it goes two ways. we can choose to put our faith into God when circumstances/trials (or life experiences) occur or we can put our faith into something else (like ourselves). when, by our actions, we put our faith in God, our faith is increased in several ways:

when we see God move
1) the truths in our minds have now moved to our hearts because what we believed to be true in our minds have been experienced in our hearts. what results, is that these truths are in the core of our being.
2) we trust God for more things, because we know He is exceedingly capable of providing for us in all circumstances

when we wait upon God
if we don't see God move immediately when we put our faith in Him, it can still serve to be an encouragement to us! by not immediately seeing a response, our active will of trusting God can result in a greater trust in Him because by holding onto Him, we will see how much we really need Him and that will drive us to put our trust that much more in Him

the next question might be, how does someone go about increasing their faith, or for that matter to have faith in the first place?
you simply ask. you ask God for faith in Him, or for Him to increase your faith in Him. "ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (matthew 7:7 [NIV])

final words
faith is like a muscle. it needs to be exercised. the more you exercise it, the stronger it'll become. that's not to say that the onus is completey on us. God is actively involved in developping our faith. but there is responsibility on us. we need to constantly put our faith in God in all things, big or small, and trust Him to take care of it.

the effect of sin

with the barrage of entries over the last weekend, i didn't want to overdo it with another entry about what happened to me early sunday morning. since then, i haven't had much time to sit down and write about it. but now the opportunity arises.

last sunday morning, i awoke at about 4:45 am. i was having problems breathing and i felt really dizzy. actually i thought i was going to faint. it seemed like i wasn't getting enough oxygen in my body. at first, i simply thought of it as a headache, so i went upstairs, took an advil and drank some water. as time passed, i realized that it wasn't helping. i was worried that there was something horribly wrong with me and debated whether or not i should go to the hospital. i promptly decided to wake my mom up, in case i fainted or something. but i didn't want to bother her, so after a few minutes of standing outside her door, i woke her up and let her know what was going on with me. soon after, my dad woke up and my mom told him what was going on. they couldn't figure out what was wrong. my dad gave me some medicine to take, figuring it was allergies. but i knew it wasn't. there was something in my body that didn't like being there, but i couldn't put my finger on it. it wasn't like i ate anything strange the day before. the only thing i thought it could be was the fact that i had been in my brother's room for about 2 hrs the night before and maybe i breathed in something funny.

almost immediately after i took the medicine, i felt a burning desire to go to the sink and let it out (aka throwing up). and there it was. all this liquidy stuff came up out of my throat, out of my mouth and nose. by this point of time, i was incredibly worried. this isn't what happens to a normal person in a normal day. but after that happened, i felt better. i could breathe better and my headache and dizzyness subsided. by this time, it was about 6 am.

as i sat down on the couch, reflecting on what just had happened, it hit me. the way a human body deals with toxins is an almost immediate rejection of it. when toxins enter a body, it affects the body in some way, fashion or form. the body, of course, does not like having toxins in the body because it interrupts it's 'balanced' state, so it in turns, tries to spurge the toxins in any way it can (in my case, through throwing up). likewise, when we sin, the toxin affects us. in may not result in any kind of physical manifestation, but spiritually, it affect us. sin temporarily breaks the fellowship we have with our Heavenly Father. so our immediate response, like the body, should be an outright denial/rejection of the sin, to get rid of it as soon as possible. which, in our case, means repentance. some people, for whatever reason, after sinning continue on with their day without repenting of it. that's a dangerous practice, because sin, like toxins, affects you. and the more time you let pass, the more time it has to affect you. like the body, we need to rid ourselves of "the sin that so easily entangles" (hebrews 12:1) as soon as possible.

to the readers of my journal

September 21, 2003

i am trying to be as honest with what i've been feeling and thinking in this journal because it's the way i record what happens in my life. i don't like to write on paper because it takes too long. that being said, i know that there are people who read this and have been concerned because some of my entries have been different from what i normally write. these are the things i've been feeling and thinking about. this month hasn't been easy. it's been downright hard, and has been the hardest time in my life ever. but, if some of the psalmists could include their thoughts and feelings in books that are recorded in the BIBLE, why can't i write about these things in my journal? it would be a grave injustice and unhealthy practice for me to deny the feelings and thoughts that have been in my mind.

i'll be okay in time. God makes everything beautiful in His time, but the key words are 'in His time', with more emphasis on the word 'time'. don't worry about me. if you wanna see how i'm doing, give me a call! i don't make my entries private, because i want to be as transparent as possible.

be strong & courageous

friday night was the kick-off to the "be strong & courageous" conference held by the tribe of issachar (aka. tim's pastor group, who represent churches across the GTA). basically, the entire evening was more or less, a worship service, led by john 4:24, with a sermon by dr. wildeboer (professor @ tyndale university).

we've had several practises over the past week for that evening. and what i was thinking about, heading into the evening was that i really wanted to FEEL God again. i mean, really FEEL Him, not just things in my mind. so i was praying for that.

at one point of the service, tim did a monologue, which consisted of him typing words across a blank screen. and the most uncanny thing happened. the words that tim were writing, were things that i have felt/am feeling over the past little while. it was like me saying the words to him, and him typing it. EVERYTHING he wrote on that screen resonated with my heart.

i've often wondered (well, more like just recently) why God has allowed so much to happen to me in my short 21 years of existence. i often tell people i feel old, sometimes half jokingly, but a lot of times, the reason why i feel 'old' is because i feel like i've gone through a lot of life experiences, a lot more than what a normal 21 year old *should* go through. i've been in a severe car accident, i've undergone surgery (not major), my mother was diagonsed with cancer and now, my brother's death. people with a lot more years on their belt normally deal with these kind of things. but not me. in my short time here, i've experienced more of 'life' than some people will ever experience. and it's overwhelming. why has God chosen me, of all people? why doesn't He choose someone else? why doesn't He allow others to go through these things, instead of me?

the only answer i can provide is because He loves me. because He knows what's best for me, no matter how difficult or how hard. i know that He's molding me. i know He's shaping me into the man He wants me to become. trials develops perseverance, shapes character, refines all that you believe and all that you are. james put it this way "consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (james 1:2-4 [NIV]). and though i do know all of these things in my heart of hearts, it doesn't make it any easier emotionally.

at the end of tim's monologue, a passage from joshua 1 was read, a passage common to most of us who have grown up in the church. but it was different this time around. God used it to encourage me, especially the following verses:

"as I was with moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. "be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. me strong and very courageous. me careful to obey all the law my servant moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. then you will be prosperous and successful. have I not commanded you? be strong and courageous. do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."" (joshua 1:5-9 [NIV])

the words "be strong & courageous, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" kept dancing in my head after the Scripture was read (and still does). i really had a great time friday night. it was a wonderful privilege to be able to be part of a worship service like that again. i really miss that. worship will always be the ministry that i am the most passionate about. i just know it. i am thankful that God answered my prayers that evening, because i really felt like i connected with Him once again, at a time where i so desparately need to feel Him.

"you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (jeremiah 29:13 [NIV])

amen.

part of the OT confirmed

http://channels.netscape.com/ns/news/package.jsp?name=fte/biblicaltunnel/biblicaltunnel

check it out! :) one of these days, they'll realize that EVERY part of the Bible is true. but hey, it's gotta start somewhere, right? i found this article off a link from my startup page (http://home.netscape.com/apple.adp) today. score!

the heavens declare the GLORY of the Lord

September 20, 2003

when we were sitting in our seminar groups at sheridan thursday evening, an interesting thing occurred. some people immediately stopped talking to look outside the windows. in fact, there were so many of us that stopped talking within our groups, that our TA took notice and inquired what happened. in little to no words, she got a clue and looked out the window.

we saw, in my opinion, one of the most amazing and brilliant displays of artistry and creativity in the skies. it was, by far, one of the greatest sunsets i've ever witnessed in my 21 years of existance. all i could do was marvel at the wonderful creation that God had allowed us to see that evening. i can't describe in words how truly beautiful it was.

what i found really interested was that a lot of class members were also looking at the same beautiful sunset sky that i was admiring. and the same sense of awe was evident in their expression, their response to the sunset. but it ended there. it didn't end in a worshipful response to Creator God, because all they saw was a beautiful sunset. perhaps there was a stirring in their souls for a fleeting moment. perhaps there was a longing in their hearts that called out for more. romans 1:20 says "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities--his eternal power and divine nature--have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

in my mind, it is impossible to deny the reality of an Almighty God when i stare into the heavens. when i look into creation, i have no choice, but to respond in worship to the Creator, whom all praise is due. creation points to the glory of God. there is no other way about it. the thought of such beauty cannot be, in any form or fashion, random events. it is inconceivable to me. it is beyond the mental capacities of my brain, because without a shadow of a doubt, i know that God has created everything in this entire universe.

for others, this mentality does not hold true. seeing a beautiful sunset sky doesn't point to the glory of God. it is simply a set of random events. and while they may appreciate it and perhaps even cherish the moment, they don't see that there is a Creator behind all of it. but that doesn't change the reality that God created all of this, and that all of His created things always, always points back to the Creator.

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands." psalm 19:1 [NIV]

"you look more serious"

an interesting few things were said to me on thursday while we were walking towards the j-wing at sheridan. my friend sylvia, whom i really haven't seen over the summer, pointed out some observations as we were talking. here they are in no particular order:

1) "you look more happy"
2) "you look more serious"
3) "something happened to you over the summer"

i was taken back when she said them. she thought i had met a girl over the summer, but little did she know what really happened. and so i reflected on those phrases, and my conclusions were this: #2 & #3 are definitely true, but #1, i'm not so sure. am i more happy? i don't think so. and so, i wondered if i was doing anything that would present to the world a facade of 'being more happy'. in truth, i'm the complete opposite in my heart of hearts. it still pains me dearly, and i believe will forever pain me when i think about what happened on august 13th, 2003. but, i recall pastor joe telling me that "i changed" after our trip to mexico, and so perhaps that change has been reflected in me "being more happy"? i don't know.

i was amazed at how perceptive she was. i wanted to tell her what happened, but the circumstance and the environment wasn't right. there were too many people around. i'm not looking for a sympathy fest from people. but it got me thinking. maybe i need to start telling people at school, because no one really knows. maybe i need to start telling people to let them know where i'm at. and i know it's hard, but i've been feeling that it needs to be done. that's not to say i need to broadcast the information to everyone i meet, but the people that i call 'friends', however close or far they are to me, should know. so, i think i will. not in large groups, but one on one or through e-mail. it's impersonal, i know, but that's the only method i feel is appropriate to tell them.

look up!

September 14, 2003

as i was driving down to ETCBC tonight, a strange phenomenon occurred. a felt a desire to look out of my sunroof while driving down the 404, for i could literally feel light pouring down on me. it indeed was peculiar, for as i looked forward towards the road, i saw nothing but grey clouds and rain. when i looked up, however, i saw puffy white clouds and a blue sky with sunlight radiating down on me. after looking at the road, and then through my sunroof several times (and please, don't try this at home! i don't advise taking your eyes off the road to look through your sunroof when driving down the 404, unless it's clear of cars), i came upon the following thought: that while the road ahead is tough, and though it is filled with stormy clouds and grey skies, all i need to do is look up. for when i look up, i'll see the blue clouds and the sunlight shining down on me.

that's not to say that the stormy clouds will go away, for they still remain, and shall remain for a while. but though they are ever so present, all i need to do is to look up because He is right there with me. He is right beside me, guiding, watching, protecting, shielding, loving, holding, and caring for me. He is there in the midst of all my circumstances. He is there in my joys, He is there in my sorrows. He is there all the time and He does not ever get weary of being there, for that is what He delights in. He delights in watching over His children. He delights when His children come to Him with open arms, into His loving embrace and tell Him that they love Him. He delights when we tell Him what we're thinking about, though He knows what is our mind before we even think it. He delighted in creating evey single one of us, and He delights in molding us to become the people that He wants us to be. why does He delight so much in us? because He loves us. because the love between the Holy Trinity was ever so present and ever so strong that it had to pour out into a created being, so it could be shared with.

when times are tough and the circumstances seem overwhelming, choose to trust in the Lord with all of your heart, mind and soul. for it is only in Him, that our eyes can see. it is only in Him, that we have purpose. it is only in Him, that we are made complete. we must look to Him in all things for when skies are grey, it is only in Him that we can see the silver lining in the clouds. if we do not look up, if we forget to look up, all we will see is the rain, a rain that may seem without end. when we look up, we will see that there is hope for those who trust in the Lord.

"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (isaiah 40:31 [NIV])

i miss you

September 13, 2003

am i writing things that simply sound good to me?
am i deceiving the real feelings i harbour deep within myself by the things i say?
or am i trying to believe certain things that i want to be true, but that i simply believe at this time?

maybe it's a combination of all three of the above.
it's been one month today. it seems like an eternity has passed since then. i've looked into his room this past week, but nothing of his remains. all that once was is now either in a drawer or stuffed into a box in his closet. i miss him. i miss him terribly. and that is an enormous understatement. i wish i could hear his voice again, the way he spoke passionately about the things he believed in, or his sarcastic comments he always tended to make. i miss his laugh, his gestures, his facial reactions when he spoke. i miss everything about him. i wish he was here with me. i wish i could see him face to face. i wish i could tell him how much he meant to me. i wish i could tell him all that i thought of him. but i can't. and i won't be able to until the day God calls me back home.

today i searched through all his livejournal postings to read anything he wrote about me. i never realized how much he wrote about me in his day-to-day postings. i recalled reading an entry that he had written that was specifically about me, so i desparately searched for it until i found it once more. i'm glad i found it. his words struck a chord deep within my soul that resulted in, what may have been a release of bottled emotions that i've been holding for quite some time now. though i'm not trying to bottle anything up, i can't control how my heart/emotions respond.

i realize now that the things i've been writing are true in my mind, but make little to no connection to my heart. my mind has said 'goodbye' but my heart hasn't. my mind has come to understand what has happened, but my heart still hasn't. i honestly don't know how i'm to move on. school's already stressing me out, and it's only the first week.

i talked to tim the other day, about what's been going on. he suggested that perhaps taking some time off school might be a good idea. because to just get back into the 'swing of things' would not be at all healthy. to simply dive back into school, without coming to grips fully with all this, would be a grave injustice, not only to myself, but to eric. i've already realized that i'm not focused on school. that i really have no desire to attend classes or to put in any effort what-so-ever into my studies. not because i don't care, but because the importance of it has diminished, it's become really minor to me. so i'm going to see how it goes for another two weeks or so. at which case, i'll make a decision about whether to take time off school or not. i do want to continue with my studies, but i don't know how feasible that really is.

i feel helpless. i don't know what to do anymore. i don't know what to say to people. i don't know what i'm supposed to feel. i don't know how to move on. i feel blinded. i can no longer see. i need wisdom. i need perspective. i need to see that God is still painting on a canvas that's as big as the universe, and how my piece of the canvas fits into all of that. i need to know that God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes (romans 8:28). i do know these things. but in my heart of hearts, somehow these messages have gotten lost or misguided by the emotions that i've been feeling. i have to hold on. i have to.

warning: difficult times ahead

September 10, 2003

"how many members are in your family?" she asked.

"three," i replied after a pause. it's a hard question for me to answer, because the truth of the matter is that there were four members in my family just a short time ago. now, there's only three. and it's weird. it's strange. it's surreal at times. it's something that i wish i could avoid facing. it's something that i'll be adjusting to for the rest of my life. when that question was posed to me today, it surely was an innocent one. it's just one of 'those' questions that you ask people when you're trying to get to know them. and it's not a difficult question to answer. but for me, it was.

i think i dread encountering two questions that will eventually be asked sometime down the road:
1. do you have any brothers or sisters?
2. how's your brother doing? (for those that who aren't aware of what happened)

and while it hasn't happened yet, it will; it's inevitable. i do not look forward to seeing school friends who will ask those questions to me. i do not look forward to having to tell that what's happened. i do not look forward to having to deal with their responses. but despite these feelings, i cannot deny the truth. i cannot deny what happened. i cannot put on a mask and pretend like everything is okay. because, it's not. i am hurting here. there's not a day that goes by that i am not thinking about my brother. i think about him everyday. some days more so than others. some days are even more emotional for me than others.

i realize the more i'm at school, the greater the chance of someone asking me one of the two above questions. and a large part of me wants to shy away and avoid everyone so that day never comes to pass. because i honestly don't know how i'll respond. but i will say this. i've said it many times before and i'll say it again. i trust that God will give me the grace and the strength to go forward. i trust that He is paving the way for my life, no matter how hard and trying it is for me now.

though school has only begun, i can already see how difficult a semester this will be in terms of course load. bundle that together with the move, and obligations at fellowship, i can't even imagine how packed my schedule will become and how little time i will have for myself (time which i so desparately need). why not take time off? i don't believe eric would have wanted that. he always pushed me to keep going. so i will press on, in the memory of him and with the assurance that paul wrote about in the book of philippians: "i can do everything through Him who gives me strength" (phillipians 4:13 [NIV])

a final farewell

September 8, 2003

the hardest experience in life is losing a loved one. a person whom you've shared countless laughs, joys, tears, time, and experiences with. while all of us will inevitably go through this stage of life, i have never at any point thought it would have come so soon. typically, people encounter such loss when they are much older than i. perhaps when they've already established a family and have settled down or at the very least have progressed through more of life.

parts of me sometimes still cannot fathom what has happened. but that doesn't change the unchanging fact that it indeed is reality. sometimes i want to scream. sometimes i want to release my frustrations in any way i can. sometimes i want to cry. sometimes i wish i could hear his voice, or see him one more time, but i know it's not possible. i've been on a rollercoster of thoughts and emotions over the past while. and with school beginning, it doesn't help at all.

yesterday marked our 'final' farewell to eric. though final, in no way means "the end" or "finished" but simply a goodbye to his earthly body. the memories and his legacy will continue to live on, in the lives of all he influenced and encountered. especially mine. yesterday has been one of the most difficult days of my life. to say goodbye, meant that i had to come to the full realization that i will never hear, see, touch, smell or feel him again. words cannot express the magnitude of that.

i have not expressed to many people what i have gone through this past month. because i really don't know myself. i can't express what thoughts that have crossed my mind and still linger in it. and i can't express the emotions/feelings i've felt and that i still feel. the only thing that i've known through all of this, is the unchanging love of God. i've come to understand that God is my fortress; that He is my refuge in times of trouble and that He never will leave or forsake me. i've realized that His ways are higher than mine, and that He will indeed make everything beautiful in His time. if i did not know God, i do not know where i'd be.

goodbye eric. you were the one who has always been there for me, who has always supported me, who has always encouraged me. i know that you looked up to me and wanted to be like me, but what you didn't realize was that a large part of who i was/am, was because of you. so thank you. thank you for all the times you had faith in me when i didn't. thank you for all the times you came into my room to see how i was doing. thank you for shielding me from the harms of life. thank you for protecting me from that which i could not protect myself from. thank you for taking joy in my life. thank you for being there through all of my life experiences. you will be missed in ways that words cannot expressed. you'll always be in my heart. now and forever. and i long for that day when we will be reunited once again.

Jesus in the city

September 6, 2003

today, the sounds of acclimation and praise could be heard resounding within the streets of downtown toronto. thousands upon thousands of Christians from all denominations came together at queens park and proceeded to walk through the city of toronto, declaring and proclaiming the greatness of our wonderful God. it was amazing, needless to say. to see so many believers from so many cultures gather together, under one name, under one authority reminded me a bit of urbana, but even more so what heaven will be like, when people from all nations will join together to worship our Heavenly Father.

i'm glad that i was able to participate. i had initially declined the invitation to play with john 4:24 at the parade in order to stay home with my family. but when i learned that they were going, i gave tim a call and accepted the invite. it was awesome to see the response of so many believers on the streets of toronto respond in worship and in encouragement to us. wouldn't it be amazing to have these type of events happen on a regular basis? where floats of worship teams pass along the streets and people are drawn out and worship our Father together? that's such an amazing picture.

i think being involved in this parade really reminded me of how alive God really is. that He's still moving, that He's still working in the lives of His people. and that, that will never change. i know that the time around the corner will be tough. i know it will trying. but i also know that my God, is alive. and that He'll bring us through all the storms and trials of life. because He is bigger than all of that. and He works for the good of those that love Him (romans 8:28).

the thought for the day from "running with the horses" (the new book i'm reading) is that my life is not called to be of mediocrity, but of power in the fullness and richness of Christ Jesus. and though times may be hard, God is undoubtedly in full control and is always there for us, and that my friends, is what we can always bank our full hope and trust in. He is sufficiently able to provide for all of our needs, in any and all circumstances. press on!

"and my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (phillipians 4:19 [NIV])

oh btw, i started memorizing philippians today :)

"is God selfish?"

a girl from pneumatos wrote this question on our message forum a few weeks back, and i wanted to post my response to it. as a reminder to myself, and perhaps as an insight to you. she wrote the following:

We were discussing about how God has a purpose for each of our lives. I know that as a Christian, our first purpose is to worship God. To me, worshipping God is glorifying God. My friend had said something like, "God made us [human beings] to glorify Him. He knew before he created us that some of us will choose to bring glory to Him. Isn't it selfish of God to make something whose purpose is to glorify Him?"

the simple answer is no. God is not selfish. God's main concern is His own glory. the reason for this is because if He was concerned with anything else, than that thing would be God and not God. in that case, the worship of another thing would place it above God, making it God and not God, God. because God is the only true God, He must be concerned with His own glory for it is in that, that God's Godness is affirmed and attributed to Himself. so to create human beings to glorify God, simply makes God, God. it is not out of selfish motives.