run?

January 17, 2004

two of the classes i'm taking this semester require us to write a journal about our experiences, feelings and thoughts we have in class. length is up to us. content is up to us. these classes are theatre classes, classes that involve high levels of interaction and participation. as an introverted person, classes like these are extremely difficult for me. why? because i'm shy. i'd rather retreat into the corner, away from everyone and observe what's happening. heck, let's be honest. i'd rather retreat away from these types of classes altogther. in fact, one of my entries in my journal for class was about how i wanted to run away. i could come up with a million reasons why i should drop the class, a million reasons why i didn't need it, a million reasons how i could make up for it. in fact, staying in the classes has been an internal struggle of sorts.

so why am i taking them? there's two reasons really. one, i need them. well, i don't need them specifically, but i do need two half-year courses in fine arts to graduate next year. and so i wanted to get them over with this semester. two, knowing the nature of these courses before i enrolled, i knew that it was going to be challenging for me socially. but a part of me wanted that challenge. a part of me craved it. why? i'm not sure exactly. i knew how uncomfortable i would become, and believe me, i'm really uncomfortable. but i wanted to be stretched.

my natural instinct in uncomfortable situations is to run, to retreat, to go back to what is comfortable. this is not an individual character trait of mine. it's universal. all humans have it. because all of us like to be in familiarity, in safety, in comfort. we like to be secure in where we are and our surroundings. take that away from us, and we become scared and unsure.

i began reflecting on this last week. and the following crossed my mind. if i was willing to stretch myself socially, despite all my feelings of discomfort and my burning desire to run, would i be equally willing to allow myself to be stretched in my faith? and before i can fully answer that, i need to understand what that entails. we need to fully understand what that entails.

Jesus didn't call us to live a comfortable, easy and safe life. the things He did were radical and 'dangerous'. the things He did shocked communities and people, to the point where He was considered blasphemous. do you think that was easy for Him? He was human, like the rest of us. He felt the things we feel. it couldn't have been easy. but nonetheless, He did what was right, despite opposition.

we cannot be satisfied with being comfortable. in fact, the more comfortable we are and the longer we remain comfortable, the harder it becomes to break free from it. in mexico, part of the work we did was to clear out the back of a local clinic with machetes. it was labour intensive work, and we were told to take breaks as often as we needed. since i wasn't in the best of shape then, i took frequent breaks. and i realized something. the longer i sat down, the harder it was for me to get back up. the more i sat there, the less i wanted to move, the less i wanted to do anything really. and that's the problem for some of us Christians. we've grown up in the church, so comfortably that the thought of being stretched or challenged isn't very appealing. and so we dismiss it easily, not thinking twice about it. what happens, is that we become fat, obesse Christians. we hoard the word of God to ourselves.

how can we say we love Jesus if we are unwilling to step out of our comfort zones and be stretched by Him? if we are unwilling to let Him stretch us, we are not yielding our lives in full surrunder to Him. it comes down to this. whose life is it to begin with anyways?

don't run. don't flee to those areas of comfort and security. if God is calling you to foreign places, step out in faith. yes, it'll involve uncertainity. it'll involve you to not know what'll be around the corner or having all the details. but in that, you'll see God do the things only He can do.

"if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me" - luke 9:23 (NIV)

giving thanks in all circumstances

January 2, 2004

stress. an inevitable fact of life. all humans face it. all humans deal with it. stress is handled in many different ways. some sucuumb to it's power, others thrive on it, while others are virtually unaffected by it. i, myself, thrive on a certain amount of stress. if i have no stress, i'll most likely end up doing nothing. on the other hand, high amounts of stress makes me somewhat crazy at times. i need a balance between the two to motivate me to do work.

the first two weeks of december was a pretty stressful time for my family and i, with my exam and the whole moving process bunched together in close proximity to one another. my exam was on the 5th, and we moved on the 8th. i found myself grumbling and muttering with all that had to be done. in other words, i was complaining. as you know, i've been trying to memorize the book of philippians. the thing with memorizing Scripture is, that it lingers in your mind. the words of philippians 2:14, "do everything without complaining or arguing" came to mind when i noticed that i was complaining as well as 1 thessolonians 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". it gave me a new perspective on things.

instead of complaining about all i had to do, the word of God transformed that into praise and thanksgiving. why? because moving meant that i had a place to move into. it meant that i had a place where i could lay my head to sleep at night, it meant that i had a place where i was safe and sound from the elements of nature.

later on in december, an unusual event occurred. my car was hit while it was parked on our very own driveway. my mother and i had spend the morning together running some errands and returned home at about 2:30 pm. we were at home for the rest of the day, packing for the move. my dad came home at about 11 pm. when he walked into the house, he asked me what had happened to my car. i had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. after some discussion, i went outside to see that my car had been damaged. someone drove their car into the side of mine and it was bad. they hit the worst spot of my car, right below the fuel tank, near the rear wheel and subwoofer. did they bother ringing the doorbell to let us know what they did? absolutely not. i found it to be somewhat ridiculous, considering how the car was parked on our OWN driveway and it got hit by another car. what made it more ridiculous was the person's lack of reporting the accident to us, considering the fact that we were home the entire time.

but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that it was a blessing because it made me realize that i was fortunate enough to have a car to be hit in the first place! the fact that i could get jacked up about something like this, meant that i had a car to drive. it meant that my family was blessed enough to be in a position where we could afford to drive separate cars.

events like these can glorify God by the way we choose to respond. if we respond in a way that any other person would respond, how are we any different? if we deal with stress by complaining and grumbling to those around us just as they are doing, how will they see the light of the holy Son of God living in us and through us? as the body of Christ, as the children of God, as saints in the Kingdom of Light, as people who are set apart, we need to live lives that reflect that; lives that are so radically different that people stop in their tracks and wonder what the deal is with us.

one of the ways we can do this, is by fully living out 1 thessolonians 5:18 in our lives. "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". in the midst of suffering, pain and hardship, give thanks. in the midst of blessings, give thanks. in the midst of friends and family, give thanks. in the midst of service to our Heavenly Father, give thanks. in the midst of all those petty 'annoyances' (line ups, traffic, etc.) in life, give thanks. all circumstances. in every single faucet of life, give thanks because that's God's will for you in Christ. the people around you will take notice of it. they'll see that your life is different and maybe even inquire as to why it's different. and what that happens, "always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have" (1 peter 3:15 [NIV]).

it won't be easy to live out 1 thessolonians 5:18. in fact, at times, it'll be downright hard to even conceive how its possible to give thanks to God, but you know what? He's deserving of it. He's deserving of much more than we could ever give Him. so before we start to mutter or grumble or complain about whatever we're facing, remember, give thanks.