encouraging words

March 30, 2005

early on in march, our class had a discussion about the invites that were going to be sent out about our graduation show, presented by the two heads of the print committee. that discussion got ugly fast. i'll admit that what was presented, was not the best looking work i've ever seen. but it was the result of a lot of decisions made by people who had more authority than the print committee. that being said, people who weren't aware of all the behind the scenes decisions decided to voice their opinions in class. and they were very vocal about them too, to a point where it became like an attack on the two print committee heads. that's what happens when you move in ignorance—you speak on what you see, not on the big picture. one of those two heads, is a friend of mine. i could tell by watching her that she wasn't faring so well during the whole thing. i don't think anyone could. they were being publicly humiliated in front of the entire class, and all they could do, was take it.

i was appalled at what had happened. as a class, i always felt that we were in this thing together, at least most of us anyways. i couldn't believe at how insensitive some of the people were. finally, when it was all over—when the dust had settled and all the arrows had been shot, i went up to my friend to see how she was doing. she sort of shrugged it off and said she was alright. i didn't believe her, not for a second. on the way home, i was reflecting on what had happened. and then this thought came across my mind: i should write the two print heads an e-mail of encouragement! i started thinking about that, wondering how often non-Christians hear encouragement? i mean, yeah, you might get a pat on the back for a job well done or get a high five for a successful project, but i wonder how deep comments like that run?

i've always looked to encouragement as something deep, something heart felt, something that requires thought. it doesn't have to be a lot of words, but it has to be genuine. i feel like most of the time we simply say nice things about people's performance/accomplishment because it's proper etiquette. even as Christians, we're far too polite with one another, saying "you did great" when really we didn't think that at all. that's not encouragement. it's deception.

in any case, when i got home, i fired off an e-mail to the both of them, saying how much i appreciated their hard work and what a great job they were doing as leaders. and yes, i DID mean what i wrote. within the next few days, both of them wrote back to me and expressed just how much they appreciate the support and encouragement. it meant a lot to both of them after a day like that. that's another part of encouragement. it is also received by the heart.

the whole ordeal got me thinking about the words we choose to say to one another and even to ourselves. in any given day, how many negative words come out of your mouth? how many encouraging ones? if we're honest, i think the total number of negative words beats out the encouraging ones. how often do you hear words like "loser, failure, stupid, idiot, moron, reject" from people? from your friends? and while they may be said and received jokingly, i can't help but think about the possible damage they can still inflict on us. what if one of the words was salient to you. what if the word loser, for example, had been said over you as a child from your parents. that word would conjure negative emotions and thoughts, and perhaps even inflict more harm on your low self-esteem. WHY joke about words that have potentially damaging consequences? we have no idea the kind of hurt and pain that exists in some people, and if we carelessly choose to use words such as these, we could be adding more fuel to their fire. let's also not forget about our own selves too. if we constantly put ourselves down, or say negative things to ourselves, those words will eventually sink into our hearts, and we will start believing them.

instead, why not use words that build and edify each other? why not encourage one another and spur one other towards good deeds (hebrews 10:24)? why not heed the words of ephesians 4:29 [NIV], "do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." as the body of Christ, we get enough discouragement from the world. we don't need our fellow brothers and sisters adding more to that. let's choose to be conscious of the words we say to each other.

two weeks after that incident, i was on the qew driving to sheridan, when i heard something hit my car. it was loud. something had hit my windshield—the impact was hard enough to leave a small crack. just like that. in the blink of an eye. whatever hit my car was small, but it came at such a force to leave permanent damage. i couldn't help but think of how the exact same thing happens when we carelessly use words to others and to ourselves. one small word, can have enough force to leave permanent damage in the hearts of others and ourselves. that's the nature of negative words. they have the potential to inflict pain and harm. encouraging words, on the other hand, have the potential to uplift and touch the heart. the choice is yours.

recording fun!

for your listening pleasure: http://www.pixelsparks.com/mp3s/humbleking.mp3. to download, right click the link and go to "save target as" or "download linked file as"

my friend eliot came over today to do some recording for cti, so he got me to sing lead and play guitar while he did the harmonies. i sing two lines of harmonies in there too :) he did another song on his own, but since i only play guitar in that one, i'm not going to post it.

let me know what you think!

and so it begins

March 24, 2005

i realize that i tend to make mountains out of mole hills when it comes to task-oriented things. i get myself all worked up over doing a presentation or speech—things that don't seem to phase other people. in the course of my life, public speaking has always got me very nervous. i worry that i'll forget my lines, i worry about what other people might think of me after my presentation/speech, i worry that i'll get grilled at the end of it with questions i don't know how to answer. there's a lot of uncertainty for me.

i think the deeper underlying issue is my lack of self-esteem. i think self-esteem is something a LOT of people struggle with, especially children that have traditional chinese parents. these parents set high, sometimes unrealistic expectations for their kids. "only 100%? why couldn't you get over 100%?" these parents focus on the unachieved, not the achieved. and this does not boost self-esteem. children end up striving towards perfection in order to please their parents, to gain their approval. but it isn't possible. these parents are never really satisfied with their kids. and so begins a vicious cycle for their kids. what results, is kids who are not satisfied or confident in themselves. they never got the approval they should have received from their parents. i have chinese parents. it happened to me too.

over the past month, i've been thinking a lot about my portfolio assessment that is happening in just a few hours. i've been really worried that i would somehow flub the presentation and thus somehow prevent my graduation. i worry that i'll completely forget what i'm going to say (because of my bad memory). i worry that my work isn't good enough, not up-to-par. i worry that i don't know what i'm talking about when presenting my work. these are all very irrational fears, but somehow i cannot help think them. i want to trust God with it. i know He's got my back, that He's not going to simply leaving me hanging. i know that He works for the good of those who love Him (romans 8:28). i know He's gotten me into this program and that He will see it to fruition (philippians 1:6). but somehow what i know has not made that journey down into my heart.

maybe it's because of my lack of faith. maybe it's because i'm too self-absorbed on what i can or cannot do, and not enough on what He can do (everything and anything). even despite the efforts of many people who have encouraged me about the assessment, i somehow have deflected some of their comments. i still doubt in spite of their faith in me. my teachers have said i have a firm grip on it, my classmates said i'll do great, friends and family have encouraged me that everything will be fine. and while i very much appreciate all the support and encouragement, i can't seem to shake that feeling of dread. there's so many variables, one huge one being the assessors you get. i used to think that i really trusted God with everything, that i had a lot of faith, but now i wonder. i mean, sure, i have trusted God with a lot bigger things in the past, about my brother, about my health situation, even about my mom's recent surgery. so why am i so fickle about this?

but now that i think about it, i'm quite convinced a lot of these doubts and fears has been the devil. right after a host of encouragement last night, all these fears began to rise up and surface. negative thoughts flooded my mind. a very strategic move by the devil i must say. "right after leo's encouraged, let's knock him down." i literally had to fight off these thoughts with the Word of God. i claimed the promise of philippians 1:6, matthew 19:26 and romans 8:28.

and so with that, off i go. i've done everything i can to prepare for this assessment: i spent two weeks on polishing what i was going to say, when pieces would be in my portfolio and i even rehearsed it eight times, two times with jer. but human effort only goes so far. the rest is up to God. i leave it all in His hands. today, i will choose to trust Him who is capable to do all things. i will choose to believe that God works for the good of those who love Him. i will choose to believe that God will carry me through what He has begun.

"now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! amen" - ephesians 3:20-21 [NIV]

internal bruising

March 14, 2005

the body has a unique way of displaying physical hurt. last tuesday, as i entered the house, i managed to bash my knee against a chair in the laundry room. immediate pain was the result of my clumsiness, along with a discoloured bruise. our body reacts to physical pain by leaving visible scarring or bruising. we are constantly aware of them until the body finally heals it. my knee still hurts from that incident, and it's almost been an entire week.

we all have internal bruises, on our minds and hearts. some from the result of our own actions, and others inflicted on us by others. these bruises are much more insidious than physical ones. instead of being visible, they lay under the surface, undetectable by the eye. they shape how we think, what we believe and what we do. they shape our perception of the world. most of us live life unaware of them.

there are root causes to all problems we face in life. i believe most of them result from these internal bruises. so where do these bruises come from?

1. what we watch
movies and tv are the key players here. americans, on average spend 1.7 hours a day watching tv. this means that every day, we are subjected to the values and beliefs of the media for at least 1.7 hours. now i don't know about you, but when was the last time you watched a tv program that had good values and beliefs? most of the programs that we watch today contain violence, sex, alcoholism, drugs, materialism, to name a few. and remember, in between these programs there are commercials that communicate the same messages. while not all programs/commercials contain these messages explicitly, they do so implicitly. movies are no different, in terms of their effect on us and the amount that we watch. americans bought 1.574 billion movie tickets in 2003. most of us have become desensitized to the messages portrayed by these two media. desensitization means we become less sensitive, or more appallingly insensitive to them. and when we are insensitive, it runs dangerously towards the fact that we simply do not care anymore.

i used to watch scary movies. at some point, i realized how damaging they were. scary movies mess with your head. the key message is fear. it strikes fear to the heart of those who watch. i remember the first time i watched scream, i had to stop part way because i couldn't deal with it. and as i was walking towards the car that night, i was so paranoid. i kept looking over my shoulders as i walked briskly towards the car. when i went to mexico in 2003, one of the staff from YWAM shared about how his sister watched a lot of scary movies and that how she eventually become possessed by evil spirits. he said that when we watch these types of movies, we give the devil a foothold into our lives. how true. i wonder what other things we watch to give the devil a foothold into our lives? it may not be scary movies, but it can be the message of materialism, infidelity, violence, and so on and so on.

2. what we hear
what we listen to has a profound influence on how we think. i'll keep this limited to music. i used to debate heavily between listening to secular and Christian music. at one point i decided to rid myself completely of secular music. i felt like the lyrics i was listening to was simply not beneficial. but being a musician (or at least a wannabe one), Christian music, for whatever reason, never seems to be as 'good' as secular music in terms of musicianship. most of the best musicians in the world are not Christians. the best way to improve is to listen to a wide variety of music genres and artists. i was conflicted. i'm not saying that all secular music is bad either. because there are a lot of songs with very positive messages, and i'm thankful that some artists understand their responsibilities to promote positive values/beliefs to their audiences. but remember, a LOT of the music out there communicates the same messages that tv and movies do.

Christian music, in particular worship music is so dear to my heart. i listen to music all the time, in the car, when i'm on the computer, when i'm going places, in the shower, you name it. through everything i've been through, there are a lot of times when i think about where i'm at, and to be honest, a lot of the times i feel pretty low. but when i surround myself with the thoughts and lyrics of other Christians (through their music), i find that God uses that to really speak to me, to lift me up, to encourage, renew and restore my spirits. through their songs, i'm able to relate with their struggles or even make prayers out of them. sometimes you simply can't articulate what you are feeling. at times, it's through the words of others that help you communicate what could not articulate. frankly, all this would not happen if i was listening to secular music. it's just not the same.

3. what we think about
thoughts have a way of internalizing into our values and beliefs, into our hearts. we need to be careful about what we think about. proverbs 4:23 says we need to guard our hearts. i think part of that means we need to guard our minds as well. in particular, the things we do, worry about, are anxious about and fear.

when we stumble and/or fail at something, some of us are a lot harder on ourselves than we should be. we give ourselves an internal beating. if we do this long enough or hard enough, we'll start to believe it. thoughts like: "why was i so stupid?" "i'm an idiot," "i can't do anything right" are very common and they do nothing but beat us down. i've had my share of them too.

worry, anxiety and fear also have damaging consequences. when we let our minds wander, a lot of irrational thoughts will undoubtedly surface. case in point, i've been in design for four years now. i've been clinging to the promise of philippians 1:6 ever since i started this program, which basically states that what God has started, He will carry on to completion. He's carried me through the past three years. and now, in my last year, i worry about not being able to graduate because of the portfolio assessment that is happening next week. i second guess myself, about my abilities, and skills. and even worse, i second guess God. for a while, my fears started to paralyze me. i keep thinking about the what ifs. worries, anxieties and fears keep us from trusting in and relying fully on the Lord. we look at things from our perspective, rely on our own strength, yes, we will see our limitations. but as Christians, we are to cast all our anxieties on Him (1 peter 5:7), we are not to be anxious about anything (philippians 4:6), we are able to do everything through Christ who gives us strength (philippians 4:13), we can walk in the truth that with God, all things are possible (matthew 19:26). we need to bank on the promises of God and move in those.

4. what we do
what we do affects how we think about something. cognitive dissonance theory states that we seek to achieve balance between our behaviour and our thoughts. if there is conflict (dissonance) between the two, we will adjust one to meet the other. typically we will adjust our thoughts to match our behaviour, rather than adjust our behaviour to match our thoughts because it's a lot easier. if what we do affects how we think, and how we think affects our hearts, how important is it for us to guard what we do? we need to guard what we watch, what we hear, the activities we engage in, who we listen to, who we befriend, who we love.

5. what others say to us
what people say to us affects what we believe about ourselves and our future actions. whether you admit or not, there have been times in your life where someone has said something to you that has hurt you to the core. you were deeply wounded, pierced through the heart. what was said has no doubt affected what you thought about yourself, and perhaps your action towards them and/or other people. i've been there. i've heard a lot of hurtful things from people, even the people that i loved the most. when it comes from the people that you love the most, it hurts that much more, and it's that much harder to forget them. i don't even think it's possible to forget hurtful words that people have said to us. they have a way of lingering in our hearts and minds, and if we let them (this goes back to guarding our minds), they can resurface at any time.

while humans have an innate drive to bond and be loved with others, we need to remember that at the end of the day, it does not matter whatsoever what people think about us. we do not need people to affirm who we are or love us. we do not need to listen to anyone but our Heavenly Father. we are loved by God (1 john 3:16). we are precious in His eyes. He knit us together in our mother's womb (ps 139:13). He knew us before the creation of the world. He knows how the number of hairs on our head (matt 10:30). He went to hell and back for us, for you and me. He is for us. He believes in us.

6. what others do to us
on the same note, what others have done to us also impacts us greatly. like what others say to us, it affects what we believe about ourselves and our future actions. it could be something that someone did or did not do for us. maybe it was a friend who wasn't there for you in your time of need. maybe a friend betrayed you. maybe there were times in your childhood that you were ostracized from a group. maybe your parents failed to love, encourage and support you as a child. again, we need to remember that our identity is found in Christ. we need to remember that He is ALWAYS there for us, walking with us every step of the way. He is our good shepherd, He will never abandon us (deut 31:6).

final words
i am not saying in any way that we should isolate ourselves from the world. i am not saying that we should completely avoid secular tv, movies and music. i am suggesting that we must be more aware of the things we do, say, listen to and think about because of their impact on us. if we desire to fully follow Christ, to become the person He created us to be, we need to consider these things.

like physical bruises, our internal bruises can be healed through a different process. internal bruises will not heal on their own. they will linger and stay as long as possible. the devil will use these hurts to affect us in every form, shape and fashion. fortunately, we have a great Healer who knows all things, sees all things, and can do all things. through Him, we can be restored and healed. psalm 147:3 [NIV] says "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." all we need to do is ask.

to finish, here are some Scriptures to consider:

"'everything is permissible'–but not everything is beneficial. 'everything is permissible'–but not everything is constructive" - 1 corinthians 10:23 [NIV]

"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things" - philippians 4:8 [NIV]

"set your minds on things above, not on earthly things" - colossians 3:2 [NIV]

"above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" - proverbs 4:23 [NIV]

no seinfeld

March 6, 2005

at my fellowship's winter retreat, during our "deep deep sharing" time, i was awakened to the amount of brokenness that existed in our group. i realized that everyone in our fellowship carried baggage. i had no idea. what struck me even more, was that there didn't need to be earth shattering moments for people to be broken. as a person who's had their world rocked upside down, time and time again, i think i've had an underlying assumption that the majority of brokenness came out of earth shattering moments, like illness or death. but as i've been learning over the past while, there are ghosts from our pasts that haunt us. wounds that have penetrated so deeply that we, ourselves, are unconscious to its existence. and even if there's been hurt along the way, we impression manage. we put on our best face and head out the door. appearances are deceiving.

i didn't get it at first. why was everyone broken? how was that even possible? couldn't there be people who were simply fine? living life without having emotional baggage? the answer that came to me was no. it wasn't possible. and the reason was simple. so why is there brokenness in this world? because sin exists. original sin brought forth the dawn of destruction. havoc would reign in the perfect world God had created and anything in the path would be destroyed. hearts would be broken. relationships severed. people killed and murdered. sin would terrorize everything.

after all the dust settled from the destructive path of sin, what remained was hurt, pain, suffering and brokenness. the effects of sin had taken its toll on humanity, on us. everyone is broken. i think everyone has been dealt blows (in one way or another) in their lives that has affected them to the core, yet most of us are unaware of them. we go on with life, doing the things we do without wondering as to the cause of them. do you find yourself doing certain things over and over again? maybe there's deeper underlying issues that beg to be let go. but even if we are aware of these issues, most of us are too afraid to go there, to face what lurks beneath. and if we have such big hang-ups ourselves, you can bet that the thought of letting people in sends us running for the hills.

ironically, what we need to do is to let our guard down and let people in. it's way too easy for us to pretend like everything's okay and smile. the more i study psychology, the more i see how much harder it is for us to be open to each other, because of all the defense mechanisms we engage in to protect ourselves, so that we put forth the best possible self to others. the problem is, when we engage in these strategies, we end up with superficial relationships. our time with each other is spent on talking about nothing. and while sometimes nothing is a good thing to do, it cannot end there.

as Christians, we're supposed to know better. we're supposed to live lives that are radically different from the world, the ones that love and accept each other unconditionally, the ones that don't cast judgments on others. but do we really do this? i think if we're honest, we'd admit that we're just as scared as the next guy to admit our failures, weaknesses and brokenness to one another. and as Christians, we're that much more apprehensive because of all the expectations placed on our shoulders that we're supposed to be living a righteous and godly life. and so, it's so easy for us to pretend like everything's okay in our conversations with one another.

at our retreat, i made up a rule called "no seinfeld." seinfeld is a show about absolutely nothing. they even had an episode about making a show about nothing (which meant they were talking about making seinfeld, on seinfeld)! and i think this mentality has trickled into our relationships with one another. it was certainly quite evident in my fellowship. we've become comfortable in talking about nothing, because it's easier and safer. this is not the way we were meant to have relationships with one another.

can we make a pact together? let's be intentional in the way we interact with our fellow brothers and sisters. let's agree to be open and honest about our lives: the struggles, the weaknesses, the joys, everything. if we're sad, let's be sad together. if we're joyful, let's be joyful together. let's commit to being transparent with one another and throw off our desire to socially manage ourselves in front of others. let's talk about things that really matter, and not the things of this world (i.e. tv shows, sports, etc.). let's use our mouths to edify and spur one another on, to encourage and build, to support, care and love.

one of the most comforting realizations for people at our retreat was this: as they shared what they were struggling with, they learnt there were others just like them. friends, we're in this together. this is the way it was meant to be, the way God intended for it to be.

"is any one of you in trouble? he should pray. is anyone happy? let him sing songs of praise. is any one of you sick? he should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. and the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. if he has sinned, he will be forgiven. therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed" - james 5:13-16 [NIV]